Ugh, passing


An anti-skill that interferes with friendship


This post is a further response to an ask by someone who identifies as aspie and is struggling to making friends.

Yesterday, I addressed the burden of stigma we face, and how it can make it hard to find…

annekewrites said:

Passing is so frustrating.

Some days I can hide my mobility issues, and I tend to feel like just because I can, I should.  In part because I’m also fat, and being a fat person with visibly obvious mobility issues is just asking for crap.

This rarely if ever ends well for me.  Just because I CAN go up stairs doesn’t mean, most of the time, that I SHOULD go up more than one flight of stairs at a time, and sometimes I really shouldn’t even do the one.

This is extra-fun when in an office environment promoting “fitness”.  :(

realsocialskills said:

I think The Spoon Theory is really helpful in dealing with this.

The costs of doing things matter. It is possible to be sort of capable of doing a thing at a high spoon cost, but incapable of doing it and all the other things without incapacitating yourself.

It’s hard to keep that in mind when other people think that if you can technically do the thing, you must do the thing or else you’re being lazy or something. But keeping it in mind really, really helps.