Asking the right questions

So, there are good and bad ways to use two-choice questions.

There’s the way that’s trying to get people to say particular things and make people comply. Like this:

“Are you ready to look at me when you talk, or should we continue this later?”

That kind of question forces an answer that one way or another, is the answer the questioner wants. It makes it so someone can’t say what they really want to say, so they can’t say “I don’t want to look at you but I do want you to listen to me”.

And there’s the way that’s trying to get actual communication, trying to help someone say *what they actually want to say*.

Like this:

“Do you want to talk right now, or stop talking?” if it’s an actual attempt to figure out whether someone wants to have the conversation.

And they look the same, in certain ways. 

But they’re not. They’re not.

Because only one allows someone to say no. Or to give a response the questioner doesn’t want.

And if you can’t say no, it isn’t communication.

And I didn’t explain that clearly in my post about this.

And it got thousands of notes.

And I’m scared that some people thought I was endorsing the former, the kind where it’s fake communication that confuses vulnerable people about what communication is.

No no no not that.

I mean communication. Not compliance-getting.