This post I think is not quite right. It’s something I know a bit about, but there are parts I don’t…
The thing is, it’s all very well to talk about how liberating it can be to rid yourself of friends who say offensive things and make hate jokes, but not everybody can afford to ostracize every person in their lives who makes these jokes. The world is complicated, and offensive jokes are unfortunately *very* socially acceptable and *very* common, and people who say offensive things can still provide important social support to you. If you’re someone who doesn’t have very many friends, or who has trouble hanging onto friends or building friendships, abandoning a friendship over a few offensive jokes is a lot to ask – especially if abandoning that friendship means abandoning an entire group of friends, as it often does, since splits between two friends in a group usually result in the accidental or intentional alienation of one of the split friends. If your family members make offensive jokes, abandoning them over that can be very costly – especially if you rely on them for financial support or if you are socially isolated and need them for emotional support. People who make hateful jokes, unfortunately, are *not* actually worthless people, usually. They often *do* provide important things, and it’s okay to decide that it would cost you more to lose them than it does to put up with offensive jokes or arguments sometimes. I think.
I just really don’t think “tell them to fuck off and go find better friends” is a good answer to the question of what to do about friends who make hate jokes.
I agree. Sometimes, when people tell hate jokes, you’re not in a position to object. And it’s not something that can always be dealbreaking, in every situation.
I do think that it’s wrong to actively participate in telling hate jokes in order to keep relationships viable, though.