Social skills for autonomous people: (TW: possible ableism(?)) This may be a bit of a strange question, but…

(TW: possible ableism(?)) This may be a bit of a strange question, but I am an older non-neurotypical person who has a hard time being taken seriously or seen as the adult that I am, and it makes me very insecure and upset when I am talked to, by my coworkers, in a patronizing manner or as if I…

The only thing I’ll add is, expanding upon “female” business attire (assuming you do choose to present as female/femme, whether or not you are a man or a woman), is: it’s usually a skirt or pair of slacks in black, navy, brown, or some neutral color. Khaki pants or a khaki skirt might also be acceptable, and are slightly less “fancy/formal” while still being businesslike. These can be worn with a matching blazer or with a sweater. Blouses or oxford shirts that are cotton or linen and button-down will probably work; if you wear white shirts and a bra or binder, make sure you have one in a color that blends well with your skin tone, since underwear will show through a white shirt, often. If button-down shirts aren’t a good option, there are business-casual blouses that are looser and more flowing, usually in the women’s department. I really advise, if you can, asking a salesperson for advice or to help you find good, serious business clothing, since “business attire” is way more subjective, and puts more emphasis on looking “pretty” as opposed to just presentable, for women. For shoes, you don’t automatically need to wear heels, but flats that are black, brown, or navy and made of leather or some similar-looking material are probably best.

If you want further resources on general work environment tips, especially social skills stuff and managing conflict, I can’t recommend Captain Awkward’s blog highly enough.

What color are shirts supposed to be for women? Are there acceptable colors other than white?

Women can wear any color shirt, although avoiding primary colors is a good idea. For example, I would avoid wearing plain red, but you can wear pastel pink, or a jewel tone like wine. Some people can pull off primary colors though, so if you look really good in a particular color, go for it. 

I would also avoid wearing a white shirt with black pants or skirts in a business setting unless they are super expensive looking. The white/black color combination has a tendency to look like a uniform, which may cause others in a business setting to think you are low-status.