depression and friendship

lilyuphigh:

realsocialskills:

I have a friend with depression who frequently cancels plans or doesn’t message me back, and even though I know it’s because she has a limited amount of emotional energy and not because she doesn’t care about me, I end up feeling really…

lilyuphigh said:

I’m both a depressed person and have been friends with depressed people!

Yes, making plans to go over can be good. But it can also be very difficult if the depressed person isn’t a good house cleaner and then they are embarrassed about their house. Keep that in mind.

One thing that works for me is making plans for near somewhere/sometime I’ll be out anyway. As a depressed person, if I have to be out of the house for an appointment, it’s not much harder to stay out of the house a little longer for fun times. As a friend to depressed people, if they have to last-minute cancel, well I’ll just go on with the rest of my scheduled day.

Definitely the group plans are good too. As a depressed person, I feel less pressure to show up which makes me feel better which makes it easier to show up after all.

One factor could be that the depressed person is getting worked up a bit about feeling like a bad friend already. Like, from personal experience, if I’m preparing to hang out with someone, I might worry that maybe I can’t make it, and then I’ll be a bad friend, and especially because of all the other times I’ve let you down, etc etc, and it can build to the point of being too much pressure and making it impossible to go out. BUT if I know that they will not be hurt and that our friendship will be fine, then it’s easier to not get drowned in negative bullshit.