quixylvre asked realsocialskills:
…In trying to explain to my mother what “anti-skills” are, she wants me to provide a list of examples. Could you, in a single post, provide a list of anti-skills that autistic people are routinely taught, perhaps also an addendum with anti-skills that are merely occasionally taught instead of consistently?
Some anti-skills I can think of off the top of my head, with some relevant links:
- Inability to say no
- Figuring out what people in power want, and doing it automatically
- Appearing enthusiastic and happy about doing so
- Suppressing and hiding all negative emotions; maintaining an happy affect at all costs
- Holding still in order to appear more neurotypical, even when it makes it impossible to understand things or communicate
- Denying that you’re disabled; lacking awareness of your own disability or impairment
- Hostility towards adaptive equipment and disability-related coping strategies
- Contempt for the body language and other discernibly autistic traits in others
- Inability to tell who is a friend and who has another agenda (this can lead to destructive involvement with ideological groups)
- Pushing yourself really hard to speak when other forms of communication would be more effective and less draining
- Becoming convinced that you don’t really care about other people and aren’t able to understand or relate to them, and so you have to rely on rigidly following rules instead
- Becoming convinced that you don’t have any body language
- Becoming convinced that you’re good at things that autistic people are stereotypically supposed to be good at, at the expense of spending time on things you’re actually good at
I also talked about some anti-skills in this post I wrote for someone considering working as an aide for an autistic kid.
These are some of the anti-skills I know about, what are some others y’all know about?
-Reflexive obedience to or attempting to please authority.
-Becoming convinced that you lack emotion or empathy.
-Becoming convinced of an innate, across-the-board inability to understand social situations, rather than understanding that you have certain perceptual barriers in certain social contexts.
-Reflexive acceptance of the priorities of others for you as your own.
-Falling under pressure to believe that other people’s perceptions of you and your abilities are more reliable than your own instincts and intuition.
-Basically all kinds of pressure to make you believe that your own perceptions are wrong and not reliable, and that paying attention to them, or taking proper care of yourself in atypical ways, is morally wrong.
- Becoming convinced that you can only get a job related to your special interest because you won’t be able to do anything else well
- Becoming convinced that you can only make friends if you behave as rigidly normal as possible, and that you are not entitled to feel comfortable around your “friends”