This post I think is not quite right. It’s something I know a bit about, but there are parts I don’t understand too. Anyway, here are some things I think I know about dirty jokes.
Jokes about the following subjects are usually considered dirty (some of these jokes are…
So long story short, don’t tell dirty jokes to people you aren’t really good friends with. And don’t tell racist/sexist/*ist jokes in general if you want to have friends.
Actually, telling racist/sexist/ableist/etc hate jokes isn’t necessarily socially isolating. It can be a very effective way to bond with some people. It can even be socially isolating to refuse, if you’re around a lot of people who really like telling those jokes.
It’s bad to tell hate jokes. But the reason it’s bad isn’t that it will make you unpopular. The reason hate jokes are wrong is that it’s wrong to hurt other people for your own entertainment.
As a person who has stated my discomfort with ableist/sexist/racist/etc jokes, I have experienced this alienation firsthand many times. All I can say is that the alienation was, in the end, worth it, because it made the other people aware of my comfort zone, and made me aware of some aspects of their character. They also learnt that some jokes can be and are hurtful for others.
The alienation resulting from objecting to hate jokes also often has a major upside. It can separate you from people you’re really better off not being close to.
And it can also create space for friends with other people. If you’re hanging around the folks who tell hate jokes, it makes it hard to be friends with the kinds of people they tell hate jokes about. (Or even just people who don’t like those jokes).
It doesn’t always work out that way, but it can and often does.
When I was at university, there was this one guy who I liked talking to when waiting for classes, going to the train station etc. Not a friend, just a classmate I liked to hang out with and share jokes. It was wierdly important to me that he find me cool.
But one day I overheard him talking with another guy and making a r*pe joke. I called him out on it and shouted at him that that shit is not okay. He tried to defend himself (“it was just a joke!”), but from that point onward I knew that he wasn’t a cool, fun guy but a disgusting misogynist and I never talked to him again and just speared him with my disapproving stares henceforth.
And I lived happily ever after.