hating things




not-allistic asked realsocialskills: 
2013-01-05 19:57
I don’t know how to phrase this at all, but… this thing where saying you don’t like something isn’t okay? Where you’re not allowed to hate things? And does that have anything to do with the thing where you can’t disagree? Or are they different? I don’t know how to ask this but can you talk about that and maybe it’ll answer my question? Thanks. You’re doing a great service with this blog.

Do you mean things they say like this:

  • How do you know you won’t like something if you won’t even try it?
  • Give the other kids a chance. They are just trying to be your friends.
  • Mrs X is a very nice lady.
  • You have to give people a chance.
  • Just try it. (repeated over and over)
  • It’s not that bad.
  • Don’t give me that look.
  • You’d think I was torturing you.
  • That doesn’t hurt.

I don’t know how to describe that. I think you’re right that it is a thing. I tried to describe it with my post on hate, but I don’t think I quite described the right thing.

Comments, anyone?

I think they’re all related by other people failing to respect your ‘no’ or negative opinions. Usually not liking something comes up in the context of being exposed to it, and if you don’t like it, people should respect your choice not to be exposed to it. 

Not being allowed to hate things can be a form of this, in which people try to lower the strength of your negative opinions. This is like the above, because it’s usually in the form of ‘it’s not that bad’ and sometimes comes with trying to get you to expose yourself to the thing you hate.

In both cases it’s because other people disliking a thing they like makes them uncomfortable. Sometimes this is because they’re worried that maybe they _should_ dislike that thing. There’s other kinds of insecurities that can make that happen too, but I can’t think of them right now, and I’m not totally confident in my ability to get in someone else’s head.