iguanafish:

realsocialskills:

If people post selfies, is it considered a compliment to comment that they are cute/pretty/”nice hair” ect.? Or is it considered invasive?
realsocialskills said:
I’m not 100% sure about this. I also find the boundaries confusing, and it’s a reason I rarely comment on selfies. I think it might be one of those things where there are a lot of preferences and everyone thinks that their preference is a widely understood rule.
That said, there are a few clear rules:
Don’t reblog selfies from a personal blog to a public blog without explicit permission. For instance:
  • If a fat person posts a selfie to their personal tumblr, it’s not ok to reblog it to a body positive tumblr without permission
  • Wanting to show their picture to their followers does *not* mean that they want their picture being used to illustrate a point to hundreds or thousands of other people who don’t follow them

Do not reblog from someone’s personal tumblr to a tumblr that has a lot of sexually explicit material on it, even if it is your personal tumblr

  • If you do that, it sends the message to the person you reblogged from that you’re thinking of their selfie as porn
  • That’s a creepy and invasive sex act
  • Do not do that
  • If you’re not sure whether your account counts as sexually explicit for this purpose, err very strongly on the side of assuming it does

If your primary account is a sexually explicit tumblr, or would appear to be one to someone glancing at your name and avatar, do not like or comment on selfies. (For the same reasons it’s not ok to reblog selfies to a sexually explicit tumblr).

If your personal tumblr is not sexually explicit, the rules are more complicated and I’m not sure how well I understand them.

Some things I think are true:

In a mutual follow (you follow them and they follow you, and your tumblr):

  • It’s probably ok to like selfies
  • It’s probably ok to comment on selfies
  • It’s probably *not* ok to make sexualized comments on someone’s selfies unless they have indicated that this would be ok (Eg: it’s ok to tell someone their hair is nice, it’s not ok to tell them sexual things you would like to do involving their hair)
  • It’s almost never ok to say critical things about selfies
  • (Unless someone is, say, soliciting feedback about their makeup. Then it’s ok to comment, but don’t be mean or joke mean)
  • It may or may not be ok to reblog. Different people have different preferences. When in doubt, ask.
  • If they ask you to stop, apologize and stop (even if they’re not nice about it)

If they’re not following you:

  • It’s probably ok to like
  • It’s probably not ok to reblog 
  • It may or may not be to comment
  • If they ask you to stop, apologize and stop (even if they’re not nice about it)

A lot of people don’t like it if you comment on/like/reblog old selfies:

  • If someone’s selfies aren’t within a few pages of their first page, you probably should leave them alone
  • Unless they’re linked from their first page (eg: in a link inviting you to look at their #me tag)
  • The reason people don’t like this is that it gives the impression that you’ve gone through their whole archive looking for selfies, and that can feel invasive

Misc other concerns:

  • If someone’s posting injury pictures, they may not want you complimenting their appearance
  • Particularly if they are abuse injury pictures
  • But they’re probably not looking for you to tell them they look horrible either
  • Follow their lead on this
  • If someone is being self-denigrating, don’t be condescending in your reply. (Eg; if someone posts that they feel ugly, don’t say something like: “You’re beautiful! You should love yourself more!”) It can be ok to reply with a compliment, but not a condescending compliment
  • Look at the tags. They often tell you what kind of response someone does and does not welcome.

I’m not 100% sure of any of this, but this is as far as I’ve figured it out. What do y’all think?

iguanafish said:

i think it’s definitely a case by case (or rather person by person) scenario, and this post does a really good job of listing many of the potential scenarios.

For example, for myself:

I find a busy dash very overwhelming, so not following someone is not necessarily an indicator that I don’t feel friendly toward or want to know them. Therefore it’s usually okay for longtime followers—especially if we’ve spoken before and i’m familiar with them—to comment on my selfies. 

Likes are ok from pretty much any follower. Non-followers would be a little weird. Going through backlogs would be very weird.

Reblogs are ok from close friends and most mutual follows.

Etc. etc. etc. 

Basically when in doubt ask.