Anonymous asked realsocialskills:When people say “I can’t” I’ll sometimes encourage them to say “I decided not to” or something instead. Nobody can predict the future, so maybe nobody can know for sure…
I agree with all of this.
It’s always important to remember that fluctuating skills and energy levels exist.
Not being able to do things is real.
Sometimes there are things we could do but lack the confidence to do or need to be taught how to do it but not accepting what we have to say and not letting people decide and trust what they know about themselves is not going to help a person have more confidence or learn new abilities, it could make it worse including more fear of failure.
The opposite of this, believing a person is unable to do anything is also dangerous.
It’s important to learn how to have a supportive relationship where you let the person decide what they can’t do and you trust them, that they can change what they say about their own skills later and that they are also free to try and fail.
There are also people who pretend to trust what you say while not actually believing that you can’t do something and they will try to manipulate and convince you that you are wrong and they will say they are trying to make you more confident and help you. Don’t do that.
Yes to all of this.
Particularly, that people who say they respect your judgement on what you can do often in fact try to override it.
I wrote a post a while back that’s relevant: When your right to say no is entirely hypothetical