Shame is not a cure



So, here’s the thing.

People with disabilities are taught that we’re just lazy. That eventually, if we care enough, we’ll be cured. That we can shame our way out of being disabled. 

This is counterproductive.

If you can accept the way you are, the way your mind works, the way your body works —

You can figure out how to do things in the way that *actually works for you*.

And you can do a lot mroe, than if you’re stuck in the mindset of thinking that shame will cure you.

Shame doesn’t create abilities. Self-hatred doesn’t create abilities.

Acceptance creates abilities. Understanding and working with your real configuration rather than against it can greatly expand what you can actually do. Even though there are abilities you will never have. There’s a lot you can do, if you understand and accept yourself as you are.

“if we care enough, we’ll be cured”

“one time, a guy with your condition hired a personal trainer and did 30hrs of exercise a week and now he’s basically cured”

no, shut up, bite me. 

We have discovered that if I spend five to six hours a week doing PT and OT, my motor skills get better, I get stronger, etc. I lose a lot of it pretty face once I quit the regimen, though. 

I’m in college, I take challenging classes, I run a club and attend two others, I have a modest social life, I need to spend a couple of hours a week on my creative writing, or I get miserable.I like to watch the occasional bit of TV. I have to shower, do laundry, eat, etc.

Where’s my six hours a week? It would cut into that stuff. 

You’re right, if I really wanted to do PT/OT I could make time, I could drop the clubs, cut back on the socializing, write less, quit TV.

I don’t want to. I value that stuff. I get by just fine with my current ability levels, and I don’t want to sacrifice that for a boost that would go away a month or so after I dropped the PT.

A cure-focused life would be a lot less rich for me. 

(Also, shaming your children with “nobody will ever date you if you don’t learn to do XYZ” is a good way to groom your children for abusive relationships. In general, shaming your children for things beyond their control is a good way to raise miserable children and parents really need to cut that shit out)