Social skills for autonomous people: For further reading




keelypizzapilgrim asked realsocialskills:
2012-10-13 02:28
Do you have any suggestions for books about social skills?

I don’t know of so many good books on social skills.

The one I’d recommend first and foremost is Power Tools by Dave Hingsberger. The most important social skill

I can’t say enough good things about a book called Backwards and Forwards, by David Ball.  It’s not about “social skills,” it’s about script analysis, but it is probably hands down the most useful single thing I’ve read about causality in human interaction.  I couldn’t believe the things I started seeing and understanding after I read that book.

The advice column Captain Awkward is also really amazing.

Oh, I forgot about Captain Awkward! I agree, that’s awesome.

I’m not familiar with the other thing, but I’ll have to check it out.

That said, I have serious points of disagreement with Captain Awkward. For instance, I think she has the misconception that therapy is safe, and that the worst that can happen is that it won’t help. And in real life therapy can and often does mess people up badly. (It can be useful to some people sometimes. But that’s not the only side of it).

Also, I think Captain Awkward understands some dynamics really well, including some abuse dynamics and and some gender dynamics – but I don’t think she understands dehumanization. Or what it’s like when a good percentage of the people in your life, including licensed mental health professionals, are trying to forcibly make you into a different kind of person. And when you know most people approve. I don’t think she know that’s a thing, really. But it is. And it’s common. 

That said, what Captain Awkward gets right she gets *really* right, and it’s a really useful site. Especially since she has a lot of scripts for asserting boundaries, and a lot of concepts for *remembering* to assert boundaries. It’s a really good and useful site.

Just be careful, is all.