Things that are better than not communicating









Here is a short list of things that are sometimes trained out of people at all costs.

Some are good, some are bad, some are neutral. All of them are better than not communicating:

  • Yelling
  • Screaming
  • Being rude
  • Speaking with odd syntax
  • Depending on technology
  • Using technology even when you’re somewhat capable of using your mouth to make words
  • Speaking in broken words one syllable at a time
  • Speaking without eye contact
  • Waving your hands while you talk
  • Misusing pronouns
  • Sitting with an odd posture
  • Making sounds and pointing
  • Repeating phrases from TV
  • Repeating the same answer over and over
  • Having exaggerated facial expressions
  • Having facial expressions that don’t match the words you’re saying
  • Saying a lot of nonsense words before you get to the meaningful words
  • Telling stories rather than directly explaining what you’re talking about

Yes, although it’s also important to acknowledge that some of these (shouting and screaming) can be very distressing for the person that you’re speaking to. If someone I’m talking to starts screaming, especially if we’re in an enclosed space and/or I’m not expecting it, I will be freaked out enough that any kind of communication will be difficult, and I’ll probably have to leave the room.

If it’s an emergency, it’s obviously a different story, but being yelled at is a common enough trigger that I think it deserves a mention.

Yes. Yelling is usually not a good thing.

But, being able to communicate is more important than never yelling. (And yelling is sometimes good).

I’m pretty okay with people being trained not to yell. I had a housemate with a really bad temper and he liked to yell at me a lot. I had to move out because I found it so stressful. But there is a difference between angry yelling like that and yelling because there’s an emergency, so people really need to be taught when yelling is necessary. Also, true communication is probably not going to happen when one person is yelling at another, unless it’s something like, “my pants are on fire!”

I’m not saying that yelling is ok. It usually isn’t. (Although, there’s a time and place for it.)

I’m saying that if someone has very limited expressive communication, and a lot of it is yelling, stopping the yelling ought not to be priority one.

I’m not comfortable with these “oughts”, really? Like, as someone with PTSD, stopping people from yelling is ALWAYS priority one- even if it jeopardizes my own safety, I mean, it’s not out of selfishness, but I process yelling as a direct threat to my wellbeing, that’s what my mind does?

And when I experience that trigger, which as the replier said is a very common one, it will jeopardize my ability to listen to the person communicating, because I will panic and shut down.

It’s ok to need to people not to yell around you. I’m not trying to suggest that having PTSD triggers is something that you can control.

I’m talking about something else.

Some people have very limited expressive communication. Like, for instance, can only say a few words or phrases. Some people don’t have a reliable way, aside from yelling, to tell people that something is wrong or that they’re not ok with something.

Sometimes, often, people with this kind of disability are trained not to yell ever, even if this costs them a large part of their communication, even if this training leaves them with no reliable way to say no.

No one should ever be treated that way. Ever.

i yell if i feel like i’m not being listened to or payed attention to. usually a short sharp burst (“will you listen to me!” “just stop ignoring me!” “pay attention to me!”) rather than a sustained rant. i agree that it’s an important part of my toolbox in getting people who are ignoring me to realise i’m not going to go away if they pretend i’m not there

which is something i’m also guilty of, like. i find it really difficult to talk to people i’ve fallen out with (esp. if they’ve triggered me once or more, on purpose or refused to apologise). i don’t want to explain anything to them or ever see them again. i don’t have anything i want to say to them. i don’t want to yell at them either. i just want to never ever see their face or hear their words.

i can’t help but feel like this is a result of being forced to talk at (“communicate with”) people who weren’t listening to me and never would, because they were my bullies, by people who ~meant well~ but were ultimately being harmful (teachers who truly believed that abusers didn’t exist and that i must just ~not be trying hard enough~ to make friends). so now i don’t have an authority figure looming over me forcing me to do it (i have a phobia of disappointing authority figures) i choose not to even address it.

so idk, the language “things better than not communicating” makes me a little uncomfortable, and i prefer “things better than not being able to communicate” - but i can’t tell if this is a legitimate gripe or something irrational that has been trained into me by my traumas?

Actually I think I intended to write it as the bolded. In any case, “Things better than not being able to communicate” is closer in meaning to what I was trying to describe.