does this work

secretsofthedisabled:

dendriforming:

slightmayhem:

secretsofthedisabled:

realsocialskills:

secretsofthedisabled:

SRS: Yellow

tw: ableism, staring at disabled people

realsocialskills:

I look contagious but I’m not. How do I tell people this? How do I get them to stop staring and stop being afraid they’ll catch my uncatchable condition?
realsocialskills said:
I don’t know, unfortunately. Do any of y’all have strategies for dealing with this?

secretsofthedisabled said:

My answer even now is cover up. That’s all I can do. I wish there was a better solution, sorry. If anyone has one, I’d love it.

(I’m also chiming in that wearing a t-shirt with my condition on it is highly uncomfortable and just not feasible.)

realsocialskills said:

What do you mean by cover up? Do you mean like, wearing a lot of clothing? Or something else?

secretsofthedisabled said

For example, if the mark is on your neck, wear high collars/a scarf. On your leg, wear pants. On your arm, wear sleeves/an armband. It sucks to do this when you’re really hot, but I chose to instead of being stared at. (You may choose not to, and that’s fine, of course.)

Depending on what type of mark it is, and how sensitive you are, you may be able to use make-up.

slightmayhem said:

people can judge you as “looking contagious” from other chronic disabling conditions besides skin conditions.  CF, COPD or asthma for example can cause a chronic cough that might appear like pneumonia or another contagious cough.  Anxiety can manifest in chronic itching or skin picking which could be judged as head lice, etc.

Sometimes, it’s safer to lie about these conditions than to tell the truth and disclose (for example, if you are afraid of being outed at work, or if you are afraid of social backlash from a more chronic condition.) 

Or simply stating “it’s not contagious” will often work. 

dendriforming said:

Yep.

I wish “it’s not contagious” worked more reliably, though. I have CF, and I disclose to more people than I probably should, because a lot of people won’t stop pushing after I try that.

secretsofthedisabled said:

Both of you have excellent points. By the way, has “something’s caught in my throat, no biggie” worked for any chronic coughers?

I find that asking people to explain “hate jokes" can work in two situations. One is if the person hasn’t really thought through the implications of the joke themselves. Sometimes people who don’t belong to the group the joke is targeting seem to get that it’s a “dirty" joke and tell it because they want to tell a dirty joke, but they honestly haven’t thought about the effect on the target group. If you ask them to explain it - especially if you have some kind of friendly relationship with them and belong to the target group - they’ll often realize why the joke is problematic, apologize, and hopefully think harder in the future. 

The other is basically when someone is telling this kind of joke in public to communicate hateful things about a group while trying to remain “socially acceptable", and it would NOT be socially acceptable for them to state the prejudices and assumptions behind their joke in an overt way. Essentially trying to prevent someone from expressing hate without taking responsibility for it - in theory they’ll either have to stop telling the jokes or admit to the opinions they hold. 

This can work - if you have a good idea of what the person’s intentions are behind the joke and you won’t be unsafe if the person gets angry at you when they interpret your questions as a criticism of their actions. Especially in the second case, I wouldn’t expect the person to believe you actually didn’t understand the joke.

That makes sense.

eggsnemesis:

realsocialskills:

quixylvre:

Social skills for autonomous people: joephish: Jaded Things: Some things I think I know about dirty…

joephish:

Jaded Things: Some things I think I know about dirty jokes

realsocialskills:

This post I think is not quite right. It’s something I know a bit about, but there are parts I don’t understand too. Anyway, here are some things I think I know about dirty jokes.

Jokes about the…

Tip: Instead of saying you take offense when you actually are offended, repeatedly claim to not “get" or understand the joke, and insist that the person who told the joke explain why it’s funny. It FORCES them to admit to the ugly prejudice/cruelty at the joke’s core and makes THEM look INsensitive without making you look “thin-skinned".

I’ve heard this advice a lot but I’ve never tried it or seen it done. Have any of y’all used this successfully?

I tried a version of this with a stranger who was making anti-semetic jokes and he treated me increasingly condescendingly and even angrily attempting to explain it before switching to jokes about ukrainians so I got up and walked away. 

I’ve never tried it before with a non-stranger (or with someone who I couldn’t just walk away from), maybe a friend or co-worker is less likely to react with hostility?

I don’t know. I could see that playing out either way.

quixylvre:

Social skills for autonomous people: joephish: Jaded Things: Some things I think I know about dirty…

joephish:

Jaded Things: Some things I think I know about dirty jokes

realsocialskills:

This post I think is not quite right. It’s something I know a bit about, but there are parts I don’t understand too. Anyway, here are some things I think I know about dirty jokes.

Jokes about the…

Tip: Instead of saying you take offense when you actually are offended, repeatedly claim to not “get” or understand the joke, and insist that the person who told the joke explain why it’s funny. It FORCES them to admit to the ugly prejudice/cruelty at the joke’s core and makes THEM look INsensitive without making you look “thin-skinned”.

I’ve heard this advice a lot but I’ve never tried it or seen it done. Have any of y'all used this successfully?