examples

Some pictures of autistic pain body language

youneedacat:

A question about pain

realsocialskills:

Some autistic or otherwise atypical people show pain differently than most nondisabled people do.

For instance, some people show pain by laughing, or by getting really quiet.

How do y’all show pain? What are some ways of showing pain that get misinterpreted that would…

youneedacat said:

http://youneedacat.tumblr.com/tagged/pain-scale

Those are pictures of my facial expressions during different levels of (mostly) really nasty awful pain, from when a piece of my feeding tube got jammed under my skin.

About creepy guys

justdrinkyourtea:

realsocialskills:

A lot of men (and probably other genders, but mostly men) like to creepily hit on people (usually women) in contexts in which it’s not ok to hit on people. (Eg: on the subway). 

Girls start experiencing this before they’re considered old enough for sex ed.

Creepy men regularly do this in a way that’s slightly deniable.

Like sitting way too close. Or asking an almost innocuous thing. And it feels really horrible to be on the receiving end, but it can be hard to put your finger on why. And if you object, the man who started it will try as hard as he can to say you’re being unreasonable. Often, bystanders or people you tell afterwards will empathically agree and tell you he was just being friendly and that didn’t have to be rude.

This is not your fault. It’s not your fault that creepy guys are awful to you, and it’s not your fault that people punish you for refusing to cooperate with their creepy actions.

There is usually no polite way to object. Because they manipulate the rules of politeness so that you have to be rude to say no.

It’s ok to be rude in that situation.

Being in that situation doesn’t mean you’re a rude inconsiderate person. It means you’re asserting an important boundary in the only available way.

Most of these guys know exactly what they are doing. It’s not innocent awkwardness. It’s a different thing. It’s doing something they know they can probably get away with denying that they’ve done.

(People do sometimes do this kind of thing by mistake, too. But it’s not ok then either. And most people who do this, know damn well what they’re doing.)

justdrinkyourtea said:

I know I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again. When I was in high school, a chaperone for a field trip asked me what underwear I was wearing. Middle aged men asked me to get dinner when I was canvassing for political candidates. We need to tell young women that this shit isn’t okay.

realsocialskills said:

Reblogging for the concrete example. This is one of the kinds of things I am talking about. It’s really important for girls (and boys, but especially girls since they are the main targets) to learn how to see this creepy aggression for what it is. 

Girls: you’re not imagining it, and you are not alone. It’s not ok, and it’s not your fault.

There are also cases of false assumptions being made about wheelchair users - e.g. they have full hand function, that they aren’t heavy etc. There have been a number of times my dad’s been trapped in lifts because you need to press the small lift buttons (he doesn’t have fine hand control) and the lift can’t carry him (a fully-grown, slightly overweight man) his electric wheelchair (built in the 1980s), and a button-pusher, due to weight restrictions or space in the lift car.
realsocialskills answered:
Yes, those are all also things that can cause access features to be inaccessible.
Sometimes these things are designed as though all people who need flat entrances and lifts are all either little children, accompanied by able-bodied people, or 20-something paraplegic athletes who use lightweight manual chairs.
And that’s really not the reality.

Hate joke example

whiteandmildblr:

realsocialskills:

When I was in middle school there was a racist ‘personality quiz’ joke that was framed as an innocent question, “Which would you rather have: vanilla or chocolate ice cream?” If you said you like chocolate better, it meant you preferred oral sex with a black boy. Trust me, white girls quickly changed their answers when they realized what the implication was.
realsocialskills said:
Wow, that’s horrible. And it’s a particularly clear example of a hate joke. (I bet most of those same girls vehemently denied that they could ever have any racist attitudes.)

whiteandmildblr said:

Or maybe they aren’t attracted to blacks?

realsocialskills said:

The point of that hate joke is to sexually humiliate women by insinuating that they are attracted to black men. That’s racist. (And also misogynist.)

The whole power of that joke rests on the perception that there’s a “right” answer, and that no one would ever willingly answer the question “wrong”.

Everyone has sexual and romantic preferences. This hate joke isn’t about expressing preferences in a neutral way. It’s about expressing contempt for black men, and for women who are attracted to black men.

Hate jokes suck.

tavablake:

alement:

Social skills for autonomous people: Some examples of social violence against disabled folks

sappy-nirvana:

frogsandrosbifs:

realsocialskills:

I wrote a post a while back about writing characters with disabilities. I said that in real life, disabled folks experience social violence regularly. In order to write realistic disabled characters, it’s important to write in…

alement said:

Having your cane ripped out of your hands while walking(sometimes causing me to fall)  because I don’t ‘really’ need it. (Once, A woman in her early thirties came up to me and started lecturing me about mocking people who use canes and trivializing them, because it hadn’t occurred to her I could really be disabled.)

tavablake said

One thing that isn’t an attack but that happens to me all the time with a cane - walking next to someone who doesn’t pay attention to where your cane is, so they’ll accidentally kick it out from under you/step on the base/get their bag/coat caught on it. While unintentional, it’s thoughtless, and can still unbalance me badly.

alement:

Social skills for autonomous people: Some examples of social violence against disabled folks

sappy-nirvana:

frogsandrosbifs:

realsocialskills:

I wrote a post a while back about writing characters with disabilities. I said that in real life, disabled folks experience social violence regularly. In order to write realistic disabled characters, it’s important to write in…

alement said:

Having your cane ripped out of your hands while walking(sometimes causing me to fall)  because I don’t ‘really’ need it. (Once, A woman in her early thirties came up to me and started lecturing me about mocking people who use canes and trivializing them, because it hadn’t occurred to her I could really be disabled.)

Some examples of social violence against disabled folks

sappy-nirvana:

frogsandrosbifs:

realsocialskills:

I wrote a post a while back about writing characters with disabilities. I said that in real life, disabled folks experience social violence regularly. In order to write realistic disabled characters, it’s important to write in social violence (and not blame it on the disability).

I didn’t include many examples though, which probably made the post more or less useless for people who don’t already know about such things

So here’s some kinds of social violence that are common for people with various disabilities:

Being asked invasive personal questions:

  • Detailed questions about their medical history
  • Questions like “What happened?” or “Why are you like that?”
  • Questions about how they have sex
  • Questions about how they use the bathroom
  • Unsolicited medical advice, often ridiculous (eg: “Have you tried veganism?”
  • Unsolicited and invasive prayers. Insinuating that they’d be cured if they had more faith

Not being believed:

  • Many wheelchair users can stand or walk a few steps. They’re often seen as faking their need for a wheelchair when they do
  • Some people like to test to see if people are blind by getting in their faces or doing inappropriate things in front of them
  • People try to trick AAC users by asking complicated questions in hope of tripping them up and proving that they’re not really communicating
  • Being told they’re just fat and if they’d lose weight they wouldn’t be disabled anymore
  • “You’re too young to need a cane”
  • Being told that something can’t really be a seizure trigger because it’s not flashing lights

Insults:

  • Being called the r-word implicitly or explicitly (happens to most people who are perceived as disabled, not just people with downs syndrome or other conditions that tend to cause intellectual disability)
  • Being told they’re a burden on society

Folks with service dogs:

  • People try to pet the dog
  • People ask invasive questions about the dog

Being treated like a young child:

  • “Where are your parents?”
  • “Should you be eating that?”
  • “You’re not flying alone, are you?”

There are a lot of other examples. This is not an exhaustive list.

frogsandrosbifs said:

Being told you can’t consider yourself disabled because some people have it so much worse than you, so you’re not really disabled since you can do the things you want. Courtesy to the shittiest psychologist on earth.

sappy-nirvana said

being told that you don’t need a wheelchair and arm crutches because “but you’ve had surgery and you’ve been walking since you were little!!” and also being told that you don’t have a disability.