Don't be mean to fat disabled people

Some disabled people are fat.

Some fat disabled people have mobility impairments, and need to use wheelchairs and scooters.

Some fat disabled people need to sit down a lot.

Some fat disabled people need to park in handicapped parking.

Some fat disabled people need to sit in the disabled seating on busses.

Some fat disabled people need to use the bathroom stall that has grab bars.

Some people act like fat people are somehow “not really disabled, just fat” as though the two are somehow mutually exclusive. They’re not. Fat is not a cure for disability. Fat disabled people are as disabled as thin disabled people. Fat people have every right to exist in public and use mobility aids and other adaptations.

Some people act like being mean to disabled fat people will somehow force them to stop being fat and disabled. It won’t. Being mean is not a cure. If you yell at a fat disabled person for needing to park close to the building, it won’t give them the ability to walk further safely. It will just mean that their day got worse because someone decided to be pointlessly cruel to them.

tl;dr Fat disabled people exist, and have a legitimate need for access and accommodations. Being mean to fat disabled people for having access needs doesn’t cure their disability. It just makes the world a crueler place. Don’t be a jerk.

Being with family can do weird things to you

Something to be aware of if you’re with family for the holidays/break/visting/etc:

If you’ve been working on self-acceptance lately and making progress, some aspects of that are likely to be harder when you’re around family. When you visit family, you might feel bad about things you’ve learned to feel good about in other environments. That might be very frightening. It helps somewhat to know that it’s normal, and that most people struggling with self-acceptance go through this. 

It will be easier when you leave again. And, in time, as your self-acceptance solidifies, you will likely learn to hold on to it more consistently when you’re with family. This takes time and practice. It’s not your fault that it’s hard. It’s not a failure and it doesn’t mean you’re doing self-acceptance wrong. It just means that it’s hard. 

An example: If you’re fat and you’ve been learning body positivity and feeling good about yourself and your body, that’s likely to be harder to maintain while you’re visiting family. Most people aren’t in tune with that particular kind of body positivity. And some families are actively awful about it. You might feel worse during your visit, and feeling worse may linger after your visit. But it’s a temporary setback; it’s not permanent and it’s not your fault. It’s just that these things are hard, and close relationships complicate things when you’re trying to learn to live by values people you’re close to don’t share. 

It can help to actively stay connected to people who share your values while you’re visiting family. (Eg: take time to read body-postive blogs; talk to your friends; write emails.) It can also help to journal. 

And, in the words of Laura Hershey, it helps to remember that you get proud by practicing. Feeling good about stigmatized attributes you have takes time and practice. Feeling good about those things even when you’re around family members who feel bad about them is an advanced kind of pride. It takes a lot of practice to level up and feel ok even in that context. It’s hard, and that’s not your fault. You’re ok, even if you feel bad right now. 

plus size shopping master post


i decided to compile a list of plus size stores with a little blurb, their size range, and their price range as a resource for you butts. i apologize that this list is very US-centric and very ‘feminine’-centric (i looked super hard for gender neutral and ‘masculine’ plus clothes but just found wall after wall of ‘big and tall’ stores with nothing but khakis and polos)- i tried to note shipping ranges where it was transparent on the site. all sizes are in US sizes and all money is in USD.

please feel free to send me any place i missed (especially if they are gender neutral or ‘masculine’ !!! or independent shops)- my only requisite is that they carry above a 42 waist for ‘masculine’ stuff and above a US size 20 for ‘feminine’ stuff. exceptions can be made (like for forever 21+) if sizes are known to run large, but this is why stuff like dorothy perkins and rue 107 are missing. stores with a *** are wtfplus approved (meaning i’ve shopped there AND really like their clothes).

general plus sizes:
additionelle – canadian plus size chain (their lane bryant, basically, but slightly hipper), sizes up to 26/4X, most stuff is $60 to $150 for dresses. online only outside of canada, ships only to US and canada.
alight – plus size clothing aggregator leaning toward juniors/beach hippie.  aggregates up to size 34. just about everything is under $30.
ashley stewart – good for basics and work clothes, lots of bright colors. carries up to size 26. prices range from $30 to $90. started by a rich white man to target/employ women of color.  this has nothing to do with their clothing style but is a weird bit of paternalistic of trivia.
asos curve *** – UK plus size retailer, modern and trendy plus size clothes, nearly everything is cool or beautiful. sizes go up to a US 24, but when something is stretchy or a ‘swing dress’ i’ve found that the 22 comfortably fits a size 28 (me).  if you like something stretchy, try it out- returns are free and quick. most things are $20 to $100. online only, ships worldwide.
autograph – australian plus size chain, juniors and casual styles, sizes up to 22 (AUS 26), most stuff is around $50 to $100. online only outside of australia and new zealand.
avenue – ‘mature’ styles, good for tights and underwear and basics especially, carries up to size 32 (mostly only up to 28 in store, though some 30s can be found). prices ranging from $20-$90
ax paris - european trendy plus size store. a lot of their stuff is carried at simply be, asos, evans, and yours clothing, as well as kmart in the US. carries up to a US 22/24, though their US site doesn’t seem to carry a plus line. most stuff is under $70.
big & tall direct - ‘masculine’ basics, up to size 10x and an 80 waist in some things. prices vary wildly, from $10 to $300 because they carry basics and suiting. site is a little hard to navigate.
boohoo - casual and work wear, up to a US size 20 (though i’ve seen people around a US 22/24 wear some of their items). most stuff is $10 to $55.
carmakoma - danish plus size store. high quality, lots of edgy leather and matrix-y clothes. sizes up to 24. prices run from $50 to $300. online only outside of europe, worldwide shipping.
catherine’s – ‘mature’ styles, sizes up to  34/5X, prices ranging from $30 all the way to $130.
chic star - retro and pin-uppy stuff with some goth stuff mixed in. the sizes can be a little confusing, but they seem to carry up to a 26/28.most stuff is $20-$80.
city chic – australian plus size chain, juniors and adults who read young adult novels styles, sizes up to 22 (though they say it’s comparable to other stores’ 24), most stuff is around $50 to $100.  online only outside of australia and new zealand.
deb shops – junior plus, cute casual and party clothes for teens. carries up to a 24/3X. most stuff is $20 to $70. 
dress barn – professional and casual women’s plus, much cuter than you’d expect for a place with ‘barn’ in the name.  carries up to a size 24, but there’s a weird grey area where 14 and 16 overlap with ‘regular’ dress barn (and the 14 plus is $20 more than the 14 regular). most stuff is $50 to $100. MOST dress barns have a ‘women’s’ section.
eddy & bri - juniors plus and women’s plus with some pretty cute forever 21-ish dresses. their sizing is confusing because anything over a 3X is considered an ‘extended size’, and their juniors chart stops at 18/20 while their women’s chart goes up to 26/28. ask questions before ordering. most stuff is under $60.
eloquii – juniors plus owned by the limited. they went out of business but are coming back spring of 2014 due to customer feedback. carried up to a size 24 i believe, and most stuff was under $80. online only but may appear in select stores.
eShakti *** – ‘retro’ and modern styles (mostly dresses), good for general cuteness, bridesmaids dresses, etc. carries sizes 0-36 but will make things bigger, so there’s really no upper limit. for an extra $7.50 you can customize anything to your measurements/change length/change neckline/etc., prices from $50 to $120. lots of good coupons and sales. online only, ships only to US and canada
evans *** – hit and miss casual and professional plus, their hits are HUGE hits (beth ditto line comes to mind) and they have a great coat selection, up to size 28, most stuff is $60 to $110. online only outside of the UK and middle east.
fashion to figure – cheapy plus club and casual wear, beautiful colors and prints but low quality. sizes up to a 26. almost everything is under $45.
forever 21+ - plus size juniors. basically just as cheap and wacky as their non-plus lines. sizes up to 20/3X though some items are expanding to 22/4X (and the stretchier stuff runs a little roomy).  most stuff is like $10 to $40, which is on par with the quality.  available in SOME stores, but mostly online only.
gstagelove - juniors plus, carries much of the same stock as fashion to figure but cheaper ! sizes go up to 22, but some people have said they’ve had luck fitting into stuff up to size 26.  most items are $10 to $30.
h&m+ - very basic women’s plus, lots of black and denim so far. sizes up to a 24. most stuff is $13 to $50. available in SOME stores, but mostly online only.
hello holiday - cute retro/vintage-y/modcloth-y dresses. their buyers have good taste and their plus size line is expanding, though it’s called ‘va-va-voom’. sizes up to 22/4X, most dresses $60 to $90.
holy clothing - clothes for ye olde renaissance faire, with lots of capes. sizes up to a 5X/30/32. most stuff is under $80.
igigi – professional and formal clothes, sort of like a sexier kiyonna (and they carry wedding stuff). the designer, yulia raquel, is a pretty big risk taker, and they come up with pretty unique-looking stuff sometimes. sizes up to a 30/32. online only, though available through several retailers and department stores.
j. jill – sort of a wanna be/will never be j.crew, casual overpriced clothes for women.  sizes up to 28/4X. most things are $60 to $100. notable because they have a lot of cotton and linen and natural fibers.

jacamo – simply be’s ‘men’s’ store, one of the few ‘men’s’ clothing stores i could find with stylish clothes that weren’t just khakis and polo shirts. carries up to a men’s 5X/54 waist with shoes up to a 16. prices vary wildly, from $30 to $150. online only.
jessica london – modern, professional, and formal styles. good if you need a dress to wear to some dork’s wedding. claims to carry up to a size 40, but most of the best dresses stop at 28. wild range of prices, from $20 to $150. online only.
kiyonna **** – professional and formal clothes, this is THE fat person ‘oh shit, i have a wedding to go to’ dress source. carries up to a 32/5X. also offers pictures of people with different body types in their dresses. prices range from $90 to $200. online only, though they are available through several other retailers.
land’s end - yuppie plus size clothing for yachting and posing for the ll bean catalog. occasional cute dresses and VERY cute bikinis up to a size 26. most stuff is under $140, though bathing suit pieces are sold separately. they also sell petite plus. online only.
lane bryant – ‘mature’ and professional styles, good for underwear and bras (not good QUALITY bras but good bra sales/decent size range), carries up to size 28/30 in their own clothes but has up to size 36 because they stock kiyonna dresses, prices range from $29 to $150 but you can ALWAYS (i mean always) find a huge coupon.  their site is finicky about taking debit cards.
levi’s – jeans. just jeans. but jeans that are made of actual denim instead of spandex. up to size 24, though they run small. most jeans are $40 to $60, though they often have coupon codes. plus sizes are online only but have been spotted in the wild at kohls before.
living doll LA - sort of like a plus size delia*s. sizes up to 22/24. most stuff is between $10 and $40.
ll bean – yuppie plus size clothing similar to land’s end. most stuff is under $120. online only.
lovedrobe –UK retailer with juniors and youthful clothes, lots of bright colors, sizes up to a US 28 (sizes are listed in UK sizing) though most items stop at a 24, and i’ve heard their clothes run small. most things are under $100.  online only, ships to UK, europe, and US/canada.
love your peaches - “mature” plus with lots of bathing suit options (including fatkinis). sizes up to a 34/36. prices range from $50 to $100.
modcloth *** – retro and modern cute plus size clothes, recently committed to expanding their sizes and making a real effort to listen to their customers. carries up to a 28/30/4X. most stuff is $70 to $120. their app and review system is really helpful. online only.
monif c. – sexy party dresses and cool bikinis. lots of prints and bright colors. carries up to a 24/3X. most stuff is $100 to $200. online only outside of NYC boutique, though you can find pieces at various stores in missouri, maryland, and louisiana.
navabi - german plus size retailer, very similar to evans (maybe a little more fashion forward and a little wackier) but prices are inexplicably $150 to $1000 ! to the point where i think their currency converter is broken. sizes up to us 28.
pin up girl clothing – retro pin-uppy stuff (obviously).  their models have VBO, which is refreshing. sizes up to a 4X (which is defined as measurements of 53-45-56). most stuff is $70 to $150.
old navy plus – good for basics like t-shirts and yoga pants, but their plus size styling is lightyears behind. also took their plus lines out of stores, which sucks. sizes go to up 30/4X, though their clothes notoriously run big. most things are $10 to $50 and they often have coupon codes.  if you’re a 24/26, try their stretchy XXL stuff from non-plus old navy. you’ll be surprised.
new look/inspire – uk plus retailer. cute trendy and juniors style clothes.  sizes up to 24. most stuff is under $50 US. online only outside of europe and the middle east.
one stop plus – aggregator for online plus size clothing. they pull from a bunch of sources and you can search up to size 44. the signal to noise ratio is pretty bad. online only.
pennington’s – canadian plus size chain (appears to be the catherine’s to additionelle’s lane bryant), most stuff is $60 to $90. online only outside of canada, ships only to US and canada.
pink clove *** – newer UK plus size store, clothes are getting cuter as they really pay attention to customer feedback, carries up to a US 28. most things are between $40 and $80. online only, ships worldwide.
pyramid collection - witchy (like wiccan witchy, not tumblr black clothes witchy) and hippie type clothes, with some romantic poetry shirts and stuff. carries up to a 26/28. prices range from $20 to $90.
queen grace - work and eveningwear type stuff, lots of sequins and dramatic cuts. sizes up to a 26. most stuff ranges from $50 to $120.
rainbow – juniors plus, casual and party clothes for teens with occasional pieces adults might like.  carries up to a size 22. most stuff is $10 to $40.
roaman’s – lane bryant/avenue clone. they carry up to size 40, though their size chart goes up to a 48. most stuff is $30 to $100.
simply be *** – UK plus size clothing store, generally really cute stuff, carries designers like gok wan and anna scholz, though their social media team seems to be clueless non-fat people. carries up to a US 28 and has plus size maternity. most things are between $30 and $100. online only, ships to UK, through europe, and to US.
sonsi – ‘mature’ and fancy type clothes, owned by lane bryant’s parent company, functions as an aggregator so they carry items from many designers.  listed so sizes go up to 36 and prices go up to $500. online only.
swak designs – casual and modern styles, lots of solid colors to wear to events, sizes up to 36/6X, most things are $50 to $100. online only.
talbot’s - described as stuffy, but a good place to get good quality interview suits and ‘professional’ work clothes. sizes up to 24. ranges around $100 to around $300 for a full suit.
torrid – juniors/’alternative’ style clothing (though they are trying to skew older now), good for leggings/fishnets and getting last minute items at the mall when you can’t wait for online ordering, carries up to a  28/4X in stores but has 30/5X online. prices range from $20 to $120. be forewarned that their site will place a hold on your card and then make a separate charge, basically making it so 2x the amount you’re charged is held on your card for a few days (this sucks if you’re broke). also, their sales suck.
ts 14+ - australian plus size chain, casual and formal styles, sizes up to 22, most stuff is around $80 to $130 (in USD).  online only outside of australia.
ulla popken – german plus size retailer. ‘mature’ clothing and lots of long skirts and dresses. sizes up to a US 26/3X. most stuff is $25 to $90. online only outside of europe and the middle east.
ureshii - basics, work clothes, and simple pretty things, all custom sized. they will customize to any size like eshakti, letting you pick lengths and fabrics and measurements. most things are $24 to $150.
wet seal+ - very 90s juniors plus. notable for being one of few juniors lines to go up to a 28.  most stuff is under $30. available in LIMITED stores but mostly online.
wole designs - an odd mix of club wear, professional wear, and dressy stuff. largest size is a 24. prices between $40 and $90.
woman within – ‘mature’ styles, good for basics and full coverage clothing (their bike shorts are awesome and cheap for chub rub prevention), sizes up to 44, prices from $10 to $99 with most stuff skewing toward cheaper. worst possible name for a store. online and catalog only.
yours clothing *** – UK retailer with juniors and 20something-y clothes, good for formal attire and fun prints too, carries up to a US 28 (though everything i’ve had from them runs about a size small/is very short), most things are between $40 and $100. online only outside of the UK, ships through europe, asia, middle east, africa, australia, and US/canada.

department stores/big box stores:
click here for some heavy lifting re: largest sizes in men’s and women’s sizes
jc penney *** – occasional cute dresses and occasional cute juniors plus. carries up to a 26. most stuff is $25 to $100. plus sizes are available in store, but junior plus is not.
kmart - sorta fashion forward for a big box store, they now carry AX paris stuff. sizes up to a 30/32, though the cuter stuff stops at 24/26. most stuff is under $45. selection is better online than in stores.
kohls – cheapy women’s and juniors casual wear. sizes up to a 24. prices are mostly under $40, with lots of good sales. also carries plus size levis at some locations.  most physical stores actually have larger plus size sections than online. their junior plus line is online only, but you can order it from the kiosk in store and have it shipped.
macy’s – women’s and juniors plus styles, with women’s skewing more toward formal and professional. designers like jones ny and calvin klein.  sizes up to 22/24. prices from $40 to $140. limited plus sections available in store, but most items are online only.
maurice’s – chintzy juniors and very casual stuff up to a size 28. most stuff is under $50. notable only for having a tool to show you if ‘regular’ clothes are available in plus sizes, and not charging more for plus sizes.  online only outside of the midwest US.
neiman marcus – formal and professional designer styles, carries designers like Eileen fisher and joan vas. sizes up to 26/28 (though most things stop at 22/24). prices range from $80 to $500. not sure of availability in stores. couches plus sizes under ‘special sizes’.
nordstrom  - formal and professional styles, carries designers like michael kors, DKNY, and ralph lauren. most things only go up to a 22/24. prices range from $80 to $300. limited plus sections available in store, but most items are online only.
ross *** - department stores that buy unsold stock from other department stores and closing retail stores. locations are hit or miss but sometimes there’s strange and beautiful gems. most stores have prices under $30 and sizes up to a 28. kind of like the thunderdome. no online shopping, stock differs store to store.
sears – inexpensive work wear and casual wear. sizes purportedly go up to a 26 but almost everything stops at a 24. most items are under $40. plus sizes can usually be found in store. have a completely different selection from online, though bathing suits can often be found in store.
target – cheap basics, casuals. sizes up to a 28/4X. most stuff is under $40. robust online selection, depressing and heartbreaking in store selection.
tj maxx/tk maxx *** – department stores that buy unsold stock from other department stores and closing retail stores. locations are hit or miss but sometimes there’s strange and beautiful gems. most stores have prices under $30 and sizes up to a 26. slightly fancier than ross, but less likely to have larger plus size items. no online shopping, stock differs store to store.
walmart – cheap basics, casuals, and activewear. surprisingly cute bikinis and bathing suits for cheap. sizes go up to a 28/4X though bathing suits seem to only go up to a 3X. most stuff is under $30. stores

bare necessities – bras between $50 and $100. mostly focused on large cup bras, but one or two bras with band sizes in the 50s.
full beauty - cup sizes up to N and band sizes in some cup sizes up to a 58. most bras are under $70.
her room – aggregator of plus size lingerie with a wide range of prices and options up to 14X.
hips and curves – bras with a band size up to 48, lingerie up to a 4X or so, most stuff under $60.
just my size – grandma-y bras but big range in sizes, and most things are under $40.
lady grace – cup sizes up to O and band sizes in some cup sizes up to a 58. most bras are under $70.
sockdreams *** – just socks and tights ! great reviews of knee- and thigh- high socks available on the site to let you know the maximum circumference of socks.  lots of thigh highs can be plus size knee socks. socks range from $7 to $30.
we love colors *** – plus size tights and footless tights up to an EE (which comfortably fit me, a size 28/30). please see my review of their products here.

independent stores/vintage/hand made:
ali buttons designs - hand-made circle skirts in quirky fabrics.pre-made up to 3X and custom up to any size. prices from $25 to $50. 
anna scholz - high end plus size, lots of print mixing. she makes some cheaper things that you can find at simply be. no sweatshops ! sizes up to a 24 (though the anna scholz dress i got from simply be was a 28 !). prices range from like, $100 to $500 but her sale section is reasonable.
ashley nell tipton – super cute skater dresses and skirts designed by a cool fat person. sizes up to a 32/6X (and they apparently run big !!!). most dresses under $80. online only.
blue fish clothing - organic/fair trade hippie dippie patchouli person clothes. sizes up to a 26, though most stuff stops at a 22. prices can get as high as $228.
cabiria – modern high end dresses, made without sweatshop labor. 
designer is kind of a butthole. sizes up to 24, prices from $150-$400. online and in select boutiques only.
candy strike - unique plus size stuff, making prettttyyyy serious use of the cover of ‘unknown pleasures’. sizes up to a 22/24. prices between $30 and $65. online only.
chubby cartwheels *** – lace/mesh/velvet crop tops, body suits, leggings, crop tops, and bandeaus made by a cool fat person. sizes up to 5X. prices range from $25 to $50. online only.
cult of california - the first in plus size galaxy prints and more interesting boutique clothing. sizes up to a 5X/28/30. prices range from $12-$85.
the curvy elle - cute actual vintage from vintage times. sizes up to a 24 (sometimes 26 !), prices vary but most are under 40.
domino dollhouse *** – modern and trendy and retro styles by a cool fat person. the first plus store to get on the galaxy print tip ! sizes up to 28/4X (though the 4X leggings ran very large on me, a 28). prices under $90. online only.
fat fancy *** – portland vintage plus size- and i mean actual plus size and actual vintage.  prices and sizes vary, since it’s vintage. etsy store available, brick and mortar store in portland.
gisela ramirez - maker of the infamous “fuck flattering” crop top. the store is broken right now so i can’t get any more deets.
heartmycloset ***– vintage patterns and retro styles by a person who will make any dress in ANY size.  prices range $100 to $150 for a custom dress.
jessica louise - LA-based pin-uppy plus size stuff. sort of how torrid used to look before they sold out. most stuff is $30 to $80. online and brick & mortar in los angeles.
lovesick vintage - ACTUAL plus size vintage. seems to be up to a size 24 right now. prices under $50.
lucie lu boutique - former buyer for the now-defunct b&lu, described by kate harding as ‘forever 32’. sizes up to 5X, which are more like a 26/28 than a 30/32. prices from $16 to $75.
kmk designs - very customizable steampunk/goth/lolita/tim burton movie person clothes. they will make ANY size and customize for any gender presentation. prices range from $50 to $300. studio in minnesota, online for the rest of us.
kristin miles - cute modern plus, very modcloth-y. sizes up to 22/24 and prices ranging from $30 to $90.
proud mary vintage - ACTUAL plus size vintage. stuff up to 24 right now (but the vintage market is fickle). reasonable prices, most things under $40.
re/dress shop *** – modern and trendy plus size by two cool fat people in cleveland. now carrying masculine and butch styles too. home of teggings ! sizes up to 3X and 4X with plans to expand in the future. prices  range from $25 to $100. brick and mortar store in cleveland.
size queen clothing - beth ditto-y hand made in portland. sizes look to go up to a 22/24. prices from $100 to $150.
youtheary khmer - actual on-trend clothing for plus size people. up to size 24. prices from $15 all the way up to $200.
zelie for she - plus size clothing by elann zelie. if nicki minaj called you and asked you to come over, you could comfortably pick something up here to wear. sizes up to a 26/28. prices between $60 and $90. online and in boutiques only.

gwynnie bee – like a netflix for plus size clothes. selection is great under a size 24, but availability and options go down the closer you get to size $20. you don’t have to wash anything, either ! various prices for various plans.
rent the runway – designer styles for rent up to a size 22. plus size celebrities like mary lambert use this service ! most rentals run $30-$125.

Social skill: Understanding fat talk

Weight is a really sensitive topic. People are made to feel terrible about their weight, and treated as disgusting for being “too fat”. The line of “too fat” is pretty arbitrary.

Most people raised as female have been on diets, and most have been pressured into going on diets, and most women are socialized to feel ashamed of eating delicious food that contains substantial amounts of calories. A lot of people are afraid of being fat or perceived as fat, and are worried that they’re too fat to be allowed.

For these reasons, it’s really easy to hurt people by seeming to endorse the position that they’re too fat to be allowed. It’s possible to do this without in any way intending to, and it’s important to learn how to avoid doing this.

Do not express an opinion on someone’s weight, even if they bring it up or are apparently inviting comments. For instance, people often say “I’m so fat” or “I shouldn’t eat this cookie, I’m too fat already”, or “Do I look fat in this?”. People who say this almost never want an actual reply to this, and giving one is likely to cause serious offense. The best course of action is to change the subject. 

Similarly, if someone appears to have lost weight, do not point this out to them. Complimenting someone on weight loss almost always suggests that they used to be unacceptable before they lost weight, but now they have become thin enough to be allowed.

(Also, sometimes people lose weight because they are sick, having trouble eating, or feel unworthy of eating – being in this situation and having everyone tell you how great you look is *really* unpleasant).

Some people are exceptions to this and can talk about fat or their bodies without taking or giving offense. Do not assume that someone is an exception to this unless you know them *really* well and have a *specific* reason to think that they are comfortable talking about weight.  A specific reason is something like they’ve talked about weight in a neutral way and have explicitly said it’s ok to talk about and that they’re not ashamed of it. Considering someone to be an exceptionally rational person is *not* sufficient evidence to assume that it’s possible to talk to them about weight without hurting them.