high school

if you don’t have a date for prom

Anonymous asked:

How to cope with not having a date at prom? Everyone else has someone to go with but I don’t even have anyone to ask out. I feel that I will just stand in a corner while my friends and class mates will have their own company.

realsocialskills said:

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that.

I think that you’re probably not as alone as you feel. Dating is hard, and it can be especially hard when you are young. Finding people to ask out doesn’t always happen on a schedule, even if seasonal events like prom mean you’re surrounded with messages that tell you that it should. It doesn’t always work out that way, though. It’s not just you. It’s that this stuff isn’t easy and the reality isn’t like the cultural mythology.

It’s also worth realizing that it’s ok if you don’t want to date, or if you don’t want to date yet. Some people aren’t ever interested in dating. Some people are eventually interested in dating, but aren’t ready in high school. Some people need some time to mature before they’re ready to date. Some people don’t have so much of an emotional or social peer group in high school, and so don’t meet anyone they want to date. Some people have a sexual orientation or gender that is stigmatized in their high school in a way that makes dating exhausting to even consider. Some people are still figuring out their sexuality or gender and don’t want to date while they’re struggling with it. 

All of those things are common, and normal. So are any number of other reasons you might not want to date. If you don’t want to date, or don’t want to date now, that’s completely fine. I don’t know whether or not you want to date now; only you know that. It’s worth realizing that either answer is fine, and that it’s also ok if you’re not sure. 

You’re probably not the only one at your school who doesn’t have a date for prom. Unless your school is tiny, there are almost certainly several other people at your school who don’t have dates either. You’re definitely not the only one in your state, and there will be any number of people online during prom who didn’t have dates either. When the culture tells you that you should have a date, not having one can feel like a failure, but it’s not. All it means is that you don’t have a date. It doesn’t reflect poorly on you. These things happen.

There are some options for how you might deal with this:

You don’t have to go to prom if you don’t want to:

  • Prom doesn’t have to be important
  • Nothing awful will happen if you don’t go
  • If you think you won’t enjoy it without a date, it’s completely ok to do something else instead
  • If you decide not to go to prom, it might be a good idea to plan what you’re going to do instead
  • That will raise the chances of enjoying the night rather than dwelling on the fact that you’re not at prom
  • (Eg: You could go to a movie, make a cake, have a party with friends or family who aren’t prom-aged, go to a concert, check out a store, etc)

Asking your friends to set you up with someone:

  • If you have friends who you trust, it might be worth asking if there’s anyone they can set you up with for prom
  • There’s a good chance that they will know someone
  • Going to prom with someone doesn’t have to mean that you’re dating them
  • Or that you’re particularly into them
  • It can just mean that you’re both going to an event together and attempting to enjoy the event and one another’s company
  • (It’s not such a good idea to do this if you don’t have friends you trust; some people use this situation as a way to be cruel)

Going without a date and enjoying the other aspects:

  • Some people go to prom without a date
  • You probably won’t be the only one
  • People don’t spend the entire night glued to their dates 
  • (especially since a lot of people go with people they’re not actually dating in order to have someone to go with)
  • Going without a date doesn’t mean that you’ll spend the evening alone
  • If you have friends you like who enjoy your company, they’ll still be your friends at prom, and you’ll still get to spend time with them
  • If you want to do the rituals like dressing up and taking pictures and eating the fancy food and celebrating the end of school, you can enjoy all of those aspects of the event even without a date

Have an escape plan and distractions:

  • If you have a phone, bring it
  • You can use your phone as a distraction if the night is miserable
  • You can also use it to take breaks
  • If you get overwhelmed and upset, you might be able to take a break, distract yourself with a phone game or Tumblr, then go back in and enjoy things
  • It’s also ok if you need to leave. You don’t have to stay if it turns out the evening is miserable
  • If you have the option of driving yourself, or otherwise having access to transportation you control, do it that way
  • If you know that you can leave if you need to, it can also make it more likely that you will enjoy it and not feel trapped

Go to or throw an after party:

  • Prom often isn’t just about the official part; it can also be about parties that happen afterwards
  • If you like parties, you’ll probably enjoy them even if you don’t have a date
  • And you don’t necessarily have to go to prom to go to a party
  • And even if you go and hate the actual prom part, you can decide that the party is the main part and enjoy that
  • You also might be able to throw a party after, if you have friends who would be interested in going.

tl;dr: If you don’t have a date for prom, you are not alone. You might feel like the only one, but it’s actually fairly common. You have options for what to do on prom night. Scroll up for concrete suggestions.

jasleh:

if you don’t have a date for prom

realsocialskills:

realsocialskills:

Anonymous said to :

How to cope with not having a date at prom? Everyone else has someone to go with but I don’t even have anyone to ask out. I feel that I will just stand in a corner while my friends and class mates will have their own company.

realsocialskills said:

jasleh said:

I took a book to prom and called it my date

Really, I only went because so many people told me I’d regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t go. (I seriously doubt that.)

All in all, it was loud and boring (even with a book) and there was no way to leave early. If I had to do it over again I wouldn’t go. I didn’t go my senior year.

not sure if any of that’s helpful… but that’s what I did.

if you don't have a date for prom

genderhawk:

realsocialskills:

Anonymous said to :

How to cope with not having a date at prom? Everyone else has someone to go with but I don’t even have anyone to ask out. I feel that I will just stand in a corner while my friends and class mates will have their own company.

realsocialskills said:

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that.

I think that you’re probably not as alone as you feel. Dating is hard, and it can be especially hard when you are young. Finding people to ask out doesn’t always happen on a schedule, even if seasonal events like prom mean you’re surrounded with messages that tell you that it should. It doesn’t always work out that way, though. It’s not just you. It’s that this stuff isn’t easy and the reality isn’t like the cultural mythology.

It’s also worth realizing that it’s ok if you don’t want to date, or if you don’t want to date yet. Some people aren’t ever interested in dating. Some people are eventually interested in dating, but aren’t ready in high school. Some people need some time to mature before they’re ready to date. Some people don’t have so much of an emotional or social peer group in high school, and so don’t meet anyone they want to date. Some people have a sexual orientation or gender that is stigmatized in their high school in a way that makes dating exhausting to even consider. Some people are still figuring out their sexuality or gender and don’t want to date while they’re struggling with it. 

All of those things are common, and normal. So are any number of other reasons you might not want to date. If you don’t want to date, or don’t want to date now, that’s completely fine. I don’t know whether or not you want to date now; only you know that. It’s worth realizing that either answer is fine, and that it’s also ok if you’re not sure. 

You’re probably not the only one at your school who doesn’t have a date for prom. Unless your school is tiny, there are almost certainly several other people at your school who don’t have dates either. You’re definitely not the only one in your state, and there will be any number of people online during prom who didn’t have dates either. When the culture tells you that you should have a date, not having one can feel like a failure, but it’s not. All it means is that you don’t have a date. It doesn’t reflect poorly on you. These things happen.

There are some options for how you might deal with this:

You don’t have to go to prom if you don’t want to:

  • Prom doesn’t have to be important
  • Nothing awful will happen if you don’t go
  • If you think you won’t enjoy it without a date, it’s completely ok to do something else instead
  • If you decide not to go to prom, it might be a good idea to plan what you’re going to do instead
  • That will raise the chances of enjoying the night rather than dwelling on the fact that you’re not at prom
  • (Eg: You could go to a movie, make a cake, have a party with friends or family who aren’t prom-aged, go to a concert, check out a store, etc)

Asking your friends to set you up with someone:

  • If you have friends who you trust, it might be worth asking if there’s anyone they can set you up with for prom
  • There’s a good chance that they will know someone
  • Going to prom with someone doesn’t have to mean that you’re dating them
  • Or that you’re particularly into them
  • It can just mean that you’re both going to an event together and attempting to enjoy the event and one another’s company
  • (It’s not such a good idea to do this if you don’t have friends you trust; some people use this situation as a way to be cruel)

Going without a date and enjoying the other aspects:

  • Some people go to prom without a date
  • You probably won’t be the only one
  • People don’t spend the entire night glued to their dates
  • (especially since a lot of people go with people they’re not actually dating in order to have someone to go with)
  • Going without a date doesn’t mean that you’ll spend the evening alone
  • If you have friends you like who enjoy your company, they’ll still be your friends at prom, and you’ll still get to spend time with them
  • If you want to do the rituals like dressing up and taking pictures and eating the fancy food and celebrating the end of school, you can enjoy all of those aspects of the event even without a date

Have an escape plan and distractions:

  • If you have a phone, bring it
  • You can use your phone as a distraction if the night is miserable
  • You can also use it to take breaks
  • If you get overwhelmed and upset, you might be able to take a break, distract yourself with a phone game or Tumblr, then go back in and enjoy things
  • It’s also ok if you need to leave. You don’t have to stay if it turns out the evening is miserable
  • If you have the option of driving yourself, or otherwise having access to transportation you control, do it that way
  • If you know that you can leave if you need to, it can also make it more likely that you will enjoy it and not feel trapped

Go to or throw an after party:

  • Prom often isn’t just about the official part; it can also be about parties that happen afterwards
  • If you like parties, you’ll probably enjoy them even if you don’t have a date
  • And you don’t necessarily have to go to prom to go to a party
  • And even if you go and hate the actual prom part, you can decide that the party is the main part and enjoy that
  • You also might be able to throw a party after, if you have friends who would be interested in going.

tl;dr: If you don’t have a date for prom, you are not alone. You might feel like the only one, but it’s actually fairly common. You have options for what to do on prom night. Scroll up for concrete suggestions.

Does anyone else want to weigh in? How did you handle not having a date for prom?

genderhawk said:

When I went to my last prom, I did it in a group that consisted of 4 singles and 1 couple and I had a blast…

Everyone who wore a dress + me got ready together and then the other two arrived and the couple went out for a private dinner and the singles all went out for our own dinner, then we met back up at the event.

Even my friends who were in a romantic relationship and who went together didn’t spend the whole night together, i danced with them in groups or 1:1 and we talked and laughed and took pictures together…

it was a great time.

Preparing for a college interview

tilia-cordata:

realsocialskills:

Anonymous said to realsocialskills:

Any advice for college interviews?

I have one coming up and I always get tongue-tied and I generally don’t do well at them at all, but this is a really big deal and I don’t want to mess it up…

realsocialskills said:

The best way I know of to prepare for any type of interview is to get someone else to do a practice interview with you before you do the real interview.

[snip]

tl;dr: If you’re interviewing for college (or anything really), it’s very helpful to do a practice interview. There is likely a teacher, guidance counselor, or coach at your school who would be willing to give you a practice interview. Having a peer do one can also work. Whoever does it, it is most effective when they ask you the questions that you’re afraid or nervous about being asked in the real interview.

tilia-cordata said:

All the advice in realsocialskills’ post is great. I did alumni interviews for my college for a year or so. Here are a couple of thoughts: 

  • Not every school does interviews the same way, and they don’t count for the same amount. At my school there were a large enough number of applicants that all interviews were done by alumni (none by admissions officers).
  • They also didn’t count for a whole lot compared to the rest of your application. I know other schools weight the interview more. 
  • I was also interviewing for a very prestigious school, but I think the things I looked for were pretty similar to what other schools would look for? My interviewees just had much smaller chances of getting in, even if I ranked them very highly.
  • My ideal interview with an applicant felt more like a conversation than an interview. 
  • We were asked to assess how much a student might participate in school - as a student and in extra curricular activities. We were there to see what you were like as a person instead of as a stack of documents. We were also told that, unless a student did something really terrible, interviews were there to boost an applicant, not lower them. 

Here are some questions I asked, and the kinds of things I was looking for, if they might be helpful as practice questions: 

“What the favorite class you’re taking/have taken in high school?”

  • I wanted to see what kinds of academic things applicants were interested in. 
  • This also gives some time to talk about school stuff you like even if you don’t know what you want to study yet. 
  • There aren’t really any wrong answers as long as you have something to say. This is true of almost all of these questions. 

“What activities/things you do outside of school have been the most important to you and what did you learn from them?”

  • The “what” is way less important than the “why.” You can’t just say “band” and leave it at that. 
  • If you have to work and don’t do a “cool” or “exciting” activity, I wanted to hear about that too, if it’s important to you! Or if you do something solitary, like write or art or anything, or are involved in your religious community - literally anything outside of school. 
  • I might’ve asked about leadership stuff, but this’ll be guided by what you say. 
  • I’m probably going to push on the “what did you learn” or “what did you get out of this” for anything a student says. 

“What was something (academic or otherwise) that’s been a big challenge to you?”

  • I wanted to hear about stuff you’ve struggled with it, and what you’ve done to work on that. 
  • This is an opportunity to talk about a disability if you feel comfortable. 
  • It’s also a chance to explain a low grade or test score, if you have one. 
  • This was also to make the super-polished, prone-to-bragging applicants talk about their weaknesses for a minute. No one is perfect.

If you mention anywhere in the interview that you’re interested in in English or writing, I probably asked “What’s your favorite book?” I usually asked this anyway, even with math/science students. What the answer was didn’t matter all that much, I just liked hearing students talk about things they enjoyed. 

I asked about grades and test scores; I tried to do this at the end so our conversation would be about that as little as possible. 

I tried to give as much information about college life as possible throughout the interview. I usually started by saying the applicant could ask me questions at any time, so that me talking and them talking was split. At the end, I usually phrased “do you have any questions” as “is there anything you wanted to know that we haven’t covered?” since the more open ended question always freaked me out as an interviewee. 

I was never looking for polish or super-preparedness. I was looking for: whether you seemed genuinely interested in the school, if you seemed like a nice and engaging person, if you were polite. 

Also, as a last point - part of the reason I started doing interviews was as a way of fighting my social anxiety, and I was often almost as scared the meeting as my applicant, even if I had power in that situation. Your interviewer is a person, too, and especially if they’re an alumni who might only be interviewing 2-4 students, they can be an advocate for you to the admissions office. I wanted all my applicants to get in, because they all seemed like great kids who would have done well at my school. 

ischemgeek:

High school graduation

ecr5068:

realsocialskills:

My daughter graduates from high school in a month. She has Aspergers and had many challenges but managed to do well academically. However, she didn’t feel that the school dealt well with her. She is…

ischemgeek said:

^ What this person said. Also: If the photo-ops are part of why you want her to go, consider staging your own “yay graduation” photo-ops that celebrate the milestone in a way that she’s comfortable with celebrating it.

I may be projecting my own bad high school experience (peer bullying, teacher bullying, sexual harassment, lack of accommodations, and so on) onto your daughter a bit here, but to make a long story short, being forced to go to my grad ceremony in HS induced a 20-hour shutdown and 2 weeks of sleeping 14 hours a day for me. It was really bad. Too much social, too much emotion, too much touching, and too much being touched by people that I both loathed and was terrified of. I imagine if your daughter had similar experiences to me in school, she’s at the point of “never want anything to do with that place or 95% of the people in it ever again.”

So my suggestion would be to find a way to celebrate the milestone for her to show her how happy and proud you are that she did well in difficult circumstances without making her have to play nice to people and an institution that at this point in her life she might absolutely loathe.

affectivefallacy:

High school graduation

realsocialskills:

My daughter graduates from high school in a month. She has Aspergers and had many challenges but managed to do well academically. However, she didn’t feel that the school dealt well with her. She is happy to close the door on that part of her…

affectivefallacy said:

I really like this response, that idea about what the ceremony would mean to her sounds spot on, at least because I can relate to it. Luckily I transferred to a school I came to love my senior year, but for a while it looked like I might have been graduating from a different school and the idea of participating in a graduation there made my skin crawl, because I did not want what was such a huge milestone for me….going on to the next phase of my life, succeeding through a long struggle in school, -getting out of there-….to be marked by that places ideas of what a great institution they were, that they had built me up or prepared me at all, and that THEY were worth celebrating as much as me. No thank you.

I probably would have gone through with it, but I would have wanted to cancel it out with a proper, true celebration with my friends and family afterwards.

twistmalchik:

High school graduation

realsocialskills:

My daughter graduates from high school in a month. She has Aspergers and had many challenges but managed to do well academically. However, she didn’t feel that the school dealt well with her. She is happy to close the door on that part of her…

twistmalchik said:

I didn’t walk for high school. I hated that place and those people, and I didn’t want to sit in hot robes listening to speakers drone on about things I didn’t need to care about anymore.

I walked for college. Looking back, I wouldn’t have. The only reason I did was because my dad said he wouldn’t help with costs if I didn’t walk. It was hell. I wore clothes I hated, with nasty robes made of synthetic fibers over top. It was hot and loud, and I had to shake hands with people. As an autistic person who isn’t keen on touch, it was awful.

If I go back for my masters or doctorate, I will not walk unless I am invited to speak. It’s not worth the sensory hell. And it seems pointless. It’s over; let’s move on.

15r14:

annekewrites:

realsocialskills:

I’m a high school student in America. Recently I was called in to talk to a psychologist because the adults at the school noticed I was having problems. I’ve known I was autistic for about two years now, so I was relieved to finally have a chance to get my diagnosis. But I’m scared — what does…

annekewrites said:

My first social work internship was mostly doing educational advocacy services for kids with disabilities.  Here’s what I know, with the disclaimer that I’m in upstate New York and the educational landscape is a bit weird in this state, so check your local info:

- There are two different laws that you might get accommodations under: the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), under which you might get an Individualized Education Plan, or IEP; and Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973, under which you might get a “504 plan”.  Generally speaking, an IEP is more extensive than a 504 plan, and is what you need if you need something about the curriculum itself modified. 

- New York also used to offer something called an “IEP Diploma”, which was a high school diploma with extensively modified requirements.  This isn’t offered anymore for a number of reasons.  But even when it was, having an IEP didn’t necessarily mean that you’d get an IEP diploma; standard and even honors diplomas could still be an option.

- IEPs and 504 plans are confidential and off-limits to anyone except you, your parents or guardians if you’re under 18 (21 in some situations), and the teachers and other staff who are involved in creating or implementing the IEP or 504 plan.  Depending on what’s in the plan, putting it into effect may make it obvious to others that you have one, but not your diagnosis or the specific reason for the plan.

- This specifically means that colleges won’t know anything you don’t tell them. 

- However, if you do have high school accommodations, I strongly recommend you keep a record of them and when you’re in college you go directly to the college’s disability services office so that stuff is on file BEFORE any kind of problems happen.  Colleges don’t do IEPs as such, but they are covered under Section 504 so you can request “reasonable accommodations” related to a disability.  This applies to classroom as well as residential life.

- As a high school student, especially if this is your first go-around with services, you absolutely should have input into your IEP or 504 Plan.  You also have the right to bring an advocate of your choice into meetings, and sometimes it’s helpful if the advocate is an adult with similar disabilities to your own (I did a lot of this for kids with ADHD, because I’m an adult with ADHD).

- The school needs to accommodate anything you need to effectively participate in the meeting.  I worked with a girl who couldn’t physically go to her IEP meeting for mental health-related reasons, so we set things up so she could Skype in.  If you need to call/Skype/text to participate effectively, they need to be able to accommodate that.

- School districts can be lazy about all of these things.  They often want to put together an accommodation that is close to things they’ve done before even if it’s not really what you need, that is less expensive, that is less “trouble”, or that tries to make you or your parents look like the bad guys.  Don’t buy into it.  It’s their JOB to do what you need to get through school, and it’s the LAW.

15r14 said:

I had an IEP for my entire time in public school in North Carolina, from kindergarten to my senior year in high school— now I’m a sophomore in college.  My disability was vision-related, so it never showed up on my diploma (although if I had taken VI (visually impaired) tutoring classes at my school it would have)— I graduated with a full IB diploma and honors, and I have a friend whose story sounds more similar to yours who did as well.  

My experience with the system was really positive— a lot of that was because my parents were very involved from the very beginning, and really advocated for me (like the poster above mentioned, they often try to paint you as the bad guys).  It sounds like your school is suggesting this, not you/your parents/guardians, so maybe they’ll be less prone to doing stuff like that?  I dunno.  Something that was really tough for me was getting MY needs heard— especially if they were different from what I was “supposed” to need.  Also, in your IEP, you get a “goal” for the next semester, and often my personal goals weren’t the same ones my caseworkers and the administrators at the school wanted to put.  

The only reason a college will learn about this kind of thing is if you take special classes, you write your college admission essay about it, or maybe if you need accommodations on your application?  All universities have offices for students with disabilities, although once you’re in college you have to advocate for your own needs.  (At least, I’ve been to two, and I’ve had to do that at both.)  Everything annekewrites said above about self-advocating in college is exactly right, at least in my experience.  

Discriminating against you in apps is totally illegal, by the way (not that admissions officers aren’t often biased in the worst ways).  

And you were worried your classmates would know— the only time my classmates knew I had accommodations was when I either told them or when my exams were put in front of me (because large-print standardized tests are printed on 15x20 paper, often 50 pages long, and are so heavy you need two desks pushed together— but they were what I needed).  

In my four years of high school, my teachers always accommodated me and took my needs seriously.  You have a different situation, but I hope you have a similarly positive experience.  

EDIT: After you’re 16 it’s illegal to have an IEP meeting without you present (unless you sign a form giving them permission!)— and I know they invited to me to mine even in middle school! 

annekewrites:

I’m a high school student in America. Recently I was called in to talk to a psychologist because the adults at the school noticed I was having problems. I’ve known I was autistic for about two years now, so I was relieved to finally have a chance to get my diagnosis. But I’m scared — what does…

annekewrites said:

My first social work internship was mostly doing educational advocacy services for kids with disabilities.  Here’s what I know, with the disclaimer that I’m in upstate New York and the educational landscape is a bit weird in this state, so check your local info:

- There are two different laws that you might get accommodations under: the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), under which you might get an Individualized Education Plan, or IEP; and Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973, under which you might get a “504 plan”.  Generally speaking, an IEP is more extensive than a 504 plan, and is what you need if you need something about the curriculum itself modified. 

- New York also used to offer something called an “IEP Diploma”, which was a high school diploma with extensively modified requirements.  This isn’t offered anymore for a number of reasons.  But even when it was, having an IEP didn’t necessarily mean that you’d get an IEP diploma; standard and even honors diplomas could still be an option.

- IEPs and 504 plans are confidential and off-limits to anyone except you, your parents or guardians if you’re under 18 (21 in some situations), and the teachers and other staff who are involved in creating or implementing the IEP or 504 plan.  Depending on what’s in the plan, putting it into effect may make it obvious to others that you have one, but not your diagnosis or the specific reason for the plan.

- This specifically means that colleges won’t know anything you don’t tell them. 

- However, if you do have high school accommodations, I strongly recommend you keep a record of them and when you’re in college you go directly to the college’s disability services office so that stuff is on file BEFORE any kind of problems happen.  Colleges don’t do IEPs as such, but they are covered under Section 504 so you can request “reasonable accommodations” related to a disability.  This applies to classroom as well as residential life.

- As a high school student, especially if this is your first go-around with services, you absolutely should have input into your IEP or 504 Plan.  You also have the right to bring an advocate of your choice into meetings, and sometimes it’s helpful if the advocate is an adult with similar disabilities to your own (I did a lot of this for kids with ADHD, because I’m an adult with ADHD).

- The school needs to accommodate anything you need to effectively participate in the meeting.  I worked with a girl who couldn’t physically go to her IEP meeting for mental health-related reasons, so we set things up so she could Skype in.  If you need to call/Skype/text to participate effectively, they need to be able to accommodate that.

- School districts can be lazy about all of these things.  They often want to put together an accommodation that is close to things they’ve done before even if it’s not really what you need, that is less expensive, that is less “trouble”, or that tries to make you or your parents look like the bad guys.  Don’t buy into it.  It’s their JOB to do what you need to get through school, and it’s the LAW.

I’m a high school student in America. Recently I was called in to talk to a psychologist because the adults at the school noticed I was having problems. I’ve known I was autistic for about two years now, so I was relieved to finally have a chance to get my diagnosis. But I’m scared – what does this mean? What’s going to happen next? Will the colleges know? What is the psychologist going to tell people? (Some of the things I said are pretty private.) He said he might talk to me again – when?don’t know what’s going on. Will this go on my permanent record? If I do get diagnosed with autism, how is this diagnosis going to work? (Since I’m doing it through my school psychologist.) What tests do I have to take, and through whom? Sorry for dumping this all on you, but I’m really scared and confused.

realsocialskills said:

I’m not familiar enough with high school disability services to know good answers to all of this. Here’s what I do know:

Generally speaking, autism is diagnosed through a neuropsych evaluation. Some of the tests will be autism-specific, and some of them will not be. It takes several hours. They will want to know developmental history (ie: whether you appeared atypical/autistic in any way when you were a small child). They will probably want to talk to your parents and teachers. 

If you are diagnosed with something and the person evaluating you recommends accommodations, the school will have an IEP meeting with your parents to discuss a plan. Depending on the policies in your school district, you may or may not be included in the meeting. (At your age, it’s likely that you will be, especially if you insist).

It’s also possible that you might be referred for a lesser kind of evaluation, or for in-school services that do not require a diagnosis. For instance, if your school thinks that you have handwriting problems, you might be sent for a short occupational therapy evaluation. If your school thinks you have social skills problems, they might want to send you to a social skills group. 

Did you discuss autism specifically with your counselor? Do you know which kind of thing they are trying to refer you for?

Regarding college: I don’t know how much high schools share with colleges. 

The Autistic Self Advocacy Network made a guide called Navigating College that has a lot of good information about how college works for autistic people. A lot of it is applicable to high school as well, and it’s definitely relevant to high school students who are considering college.

Do any of y'all know more about how this works for high school students in the US?