passing

on stimming in class

thatwriterchickyouknow:

autisticprivilege:



realsocialskills:

alwaysatrombonist said to realsocialskills:

Do you know of any quiet or discrete fidget/stim toys? I find that I need to fidget in my school discussion group to keep from getting super anxious, but if I play with a hairband under the table or doodle then people notice. Most of the fidget toys I find online are colourful, which I don’t want because people will see. I will try a stress ball, but I think that my fingers need to be doing things. Thank you :)

realsocialskills said:

A couple of thoughts:

There probably aren’t many ways to stim that are completely undetectable. Some things I can think of that might be harder to detect than some others:

  • Rocking back and forth subtly
  • Chewing gum
  • Using typing as a stim (eg: typing out scripts or words you like over and over)
  • Using a spinner ring or a gear ring if you’re in a context in which wearing rings is socially acceptable

Also, knitting and crocheting are not discreet at all, but they are often socially accepted in classes or group conversations. Depending on your particular group, that might be an option.

Another thought: maybe it’s ok if people notice:

  • Stimming isn’t necessarily as dangerous as it feels
  • Sometimes it’s okay to stim openly. Sometimes nothing awful happens
  • And sometimes people react badly, but in ways that are easier to put up with than the stress of suppressing stims
  • Stimming openly and conspicuously is not the right choice for everyone
  • But it’s probably the right choice for more people than realize it
  • So it might be worth reconsidering whether hiding your stims is the right choice
  • Or it might not be. You’re the best judge of this, and you have no obligation to stim visibly. 

Does anyone else want to weigh in? What are some ways you stim discreetly? What are some considerations about when to stim discreetly and when to stim openly?

autisticprivilege said:
bookoftextures is good

thatwriterchickyouknow said:

I personally find a stylus makes a pretty discreet stim toy. I spin one around in my fingers CONSTANTLY when I tutor or am in meetings so I can concentrate. Pens and pencils you can’t click also work if you want to stay quiet and discreet.

Also, any sort of putty or clay is great, since it’s silent and can be pretty discreetly played with in one hand. You may want to make sure you keep it in a plastic bag or something though so it doesn’t dry out!

wolfesbrain:

A question about pain

dysfunctionalqueer:

realsocialskills:

Some autistic or otherwise atypical people show pain differently than most nondisabled people do.

For instance, some people show pain by laughing, or by getting really quiet.

How do y’all show pain? What are some ways of showing pain that get…

wolfesbrain said:

I tend to either do nothing or try to hyperbolize my reactions because I have a high pain tolerance so sometimes I remember, “oh when I did this and didn’t react, people freaked out, so I need to react.” and then I end up overdoing it.

twistmalchik:

a shorter version of the last post

oneautisticturtle:

realsocialskills:

As disabled people, we learn early that it’s our job to protect abled people from ever having to notice either the logistical problems or the hate we face. And especially, we learn not to show that it hurts us. And double especially, we learn that we are not allowed to tell friends or caregivers…

oneautisticturtle said:

Something that helps with unlearning it? Stop trying to look normal. Figure out what are your sensory sensitivities, for example (or any other needs, but I started at sensory), what would help. Does that make you look abnormal? Use it anyways. Don’t do anything other than use it. If someone asks, tell them why. 

Don’t purposefully stim, or purposefully avoid stimming, but if there’s a way you can keep track of it, the more you just say, I am just actively saying I’m not looking normal, I’m doing what I need, you’ll probably start stimming more in public. Or maybe your stims will change. And people might ask. Or they might start stimming alongside you. 

Don’t be afraid of needing some things sometimes and not at other times. That’s one of the hardest parts for me, is getting through the part where you don’t always need the same thing. It’s okay to use a cane sometimes, if you need a cane sometimes, and that doesn’t mean that you’re faking because you only need it sometimes. Using it those times where it makes it a lot easier for you, even if you could make due without. Why do that to yourself? That’s not the purpose of everything. It’s not about looking normal. It’s about making yourself functional. 

People will ask questions. Sometimes, it’ll be friendly, sometimes it won’t. Sometimes, you’ll not be able to deal with it all right then, and will be embarrassed afterwards that you gave in and used an easy way out and didn’t give all the information. (Like when I used my migraines as the reason I carry things which I would carry just for my migraines, but use to cope with other disorders).

But overall, you’ll likely be more open to yourself about how you act in general in terms of not hiding, by starting with the tools you use. And the tools will likely grow as you get more and more accepting of yourself in that way you didn’t realize you weren’t accepting of.

I have an AAC app on my phone now. I’ve used it to do things like order food. I didn’t even realize an AAC app would be helpful a few year ago.

I started with just getting earplugs about two years ago. 

Is it everything? No, but it definitely helps.

twistmalchik said:

I agree with this reply.

Part of being happy and healthy as a disabled person is being unapologetic.

My stims and sensory needs don’t hurt anyone. The cane Boyfriend uses doesn’t hurt anyone. Why are we the ones being told to apologize?

Somehow existing as a disabled person who isn’t sorry that they are disabled is seen as militant. Not wanting to be pitied or used as others’ inspiration porn is militant.

I think we have to choose. Who am I going to take care of? Myself or the guy that’s making 47 false assumptions about me?

realsocialskills said:

I’ve found that it’s something of a double edged sword.

Being more open and unapologetic about who I am has helped in all of the good ways you both mention.

But it’s also made it much harder to get along with most ableist people. When I look more like myself, I attract more hostile attention. When I am honest about why I look the way I do, I have to deal with people’s assumption that autistic people have no empathy, feelings, or ability to care about other people.

I am much more comfortable in my own skin now. But that comfort means that, now, I expect to be treated well and I get angry when I am not. I’m much less willing to back down when people treat me badly or refuse to meet my access needs. This can be good, but it can get really bad really fast.

I think - my approach is better than it used to be, but that it probably still needs a lot of calibrating. There are battles I try to fight that I should probably back away from. There are people I need to be more cautious about antagonizing. There are people who it is very very dangerous to be honest with, and I’m not sure how to properly take that danger into account.

Do y'all have ways of dealing with the retaliation you face for being less apologetic about being disabled than people want you to be?

a shorter version of the last post

As disabled people, we learn early that it’s our job to protect abled people from ever having to notice either the logistical problems or the hate we face. And especially, we learn not to show that it hurts us. And double especially, we learn that we are not allowed to tell friends or caregivers or ~nice ladies~ or others that they are hurting us. And triple especially, we learn that we are not allowed to be angry because that’s ~just the way it is~ and ~people don’t understand~.

I think that protecting abled people from having to notice disability and ways we are harmed as disabled people goes so deep we do it automatically and without noticing most of the time. And abled people *really* don’t notice, because they think it’s normal and natural and have not had any need to challenge it. They feel completely entitled not to have to deal with disability, and the entitlement feels so natural that they don’t even *notice*. And we don’t notice how much we protect them, either.

I’m not sure what to do about that. I would like to start unlearning it, but I’m not sure how. Have any of y'all found ways?

An anti-skill that interferes with friendship

cocksucking-accent:

realsocialskills:

This post is a further response to an ask by someone who identifies as aspie and is struggling to making friends.

Yesterday, I addressed the burden of stigma we face, and how it can make it hard to find people who will treat us well enough to be good friends. Today, I want to start talking about other problems autistic people often have making friends. (Usual standard caveat - if you relate to any of this, it’s fine to use these concepts whether or not you are autistic. Don’t worry about appropriation.)

There are a lot of social problems that autistic people often have beyond other people’s anti-autistic hate. Some of these things are inherently difficult for some of us, and some of them have to do with how we are often taught counterproductive coping strategies.

For instance, a lot of autistic people find it difficult to judge other people’s boundaries and level of interest in interacting (and that’s partly because, as kids, we’re taught that we have to interact with other kids and see them as friends regardless of what we or they want).
Here’s an example of how an autistic impairment and stigma combine to create a relationship problem for some people:
  • One thing that often gets autistic people classified as aspie is having more receptive language problems than expressive language problems
  • People with really good, or good-seeming, expressive language can often cover for the fact that they don’t understand much of what’s going on
  • This allows them, especially as kids, to pass as just socially awkward, or to pass as being too gifted to get along with other kids, or any number of variants on that theme
  • There is often very, very intense pressure on autistic people classified as aspie to cover impairment at all costs and to appear as normal as possible
  • This makes receptive language problems even worse, because it prevents them from getting good feedback on whether they’re understanding anything
  • And sometimes, aspie spaces can make this even worse. Sometimes aspie-oriented communities are centered around helping people to deny that they have language problems, and to say that the rest of the world just communicates wrong
  • (It’s true that the rest of the world needs to work on accommodating people with communication disabilities more - but autistic folks need to acknowledge that they *have* communication disabilities, and a lot of aspie-identified folks like to deny this)
  • Covering up receptive language problems can make friendship really difficult. Friends need to be able to understand each other
  • Which means friends need to be able to admit it and fix it when they *don’t* understand each other

If this sounds like you, it’s likely that getting better at friendship will involve looking more autistic.

More on social problems autistic people often struggle with tomorrow.

cocksucking-accent said:

“If this sounds like you, it’s likely that getting better at friendship will involve looking more autistic.”

This.

I’ve gotten better at a lot of things over the past couple of years and KP has been amazingly supportive of me and my mental health (which is a thing I honestly hadn’t experienced since my Dad, and I haven’t seen him in years and even then the divorce happened when I was 8 so I was only seeing him sometimes. And we came to the US (without my Dad, of course) when I was 12 so during my teen and identity-development years I was only seeing him like a month at a time over the summer.)

So now that I have the space to be myself, and that it’s okay to even own ear plugs, and to fidget with things, and to go non-verbal and ask to IM or text or something, I keep asking myself if I’m becoming more autistic or if I’m using it as a crutch.

But I’m not. I’m just in a safe space where I don’t have to keep it all in and pretend I’m normal and then break down as soon as people aren’t around.

… But I sure as hell do perceive myself as “more autistic.”

realsocialskills said:

Have you read Help, I seem to be getting more autistic? It’s really helpful at explaining that dynamic, as well as other reasons autistic people sometimes end up losing the ability to pass or other skills.

annekewrites:

Ugh, passing

applebeloved:

An anti-skill that interferes with friendship

realsocialskills:

This post is a further response to an ask by someone who identifies as aspie and is struggling to making friends.

Yesterday, I addressed the burden of stigma we face, and how it can make it hard to find…

annekewrites said:

Passing is so frustrating.

Some days I can hide my mobility issues, and I tend to feel like just because I can, I should.  In part because I’m also fat, and being a fat person with visibly obvious mobility issues is just asking for crap.

This rarely if ever ends well for me.  Just because I CAN go up stairs doesn’t mean, most of the time, that I SHOULD go up more than one flight of stairs at a time, and sometimes I really shouldn’t even do the one.

This is extra-fun when in an office environment promoting “fitness”.  :(

realsocialskills said:

I think The Spoon Theory is really helpful in dealing with this.

The costs of doing things matter. It is possible to be sort of capable of doing a thing at a high spoon cost, but incapable of doing it and all the other things without incapacitating yourself.

It’s hard to keep that in mind when other people think that if you can technically do the thing, you must do the thing or else you’re being lazy or something. But keeping it in mind really, really helps.

applebeloved:

An anti-skill that interferes with friendship

realsocialskills:

This post is a further response to an ask by someone who identifies as aspie and is struggling to making friends.

Yesterday, I addressed the burden of stigma we face, and how it can make it hard to find people who will treat us well enough to be good friends. Today, I want to start talking about…

applebeloved said:

People don’t know how freaking hard I work to appear normal. So if you’re my classmate or someone who knows me and is reading this, you better take this down.

Things I had to work on:

1. Smiling
I don’t see anything genuinely funny, but if I do, I shall laugh.

2. Not slanting my eyes, keeping my face straight
My eyes apparently freak out adults

3. Slouching to fit in
My peers used to laugh at my stiff straight posture.

4. Not stimming
Like flapping my hands and jumping around and releasing tension in my body. Nowadays I react by doing an upper body dance which amuses my friends.

5. Speaking slowly and coherently
I get excited and speak intensely and really quick, especially about things I love to talk about

6. Eye contact
Hate it

7. Ordering food, asking questions, answering them
Scared

8. Pretending to be interested in what others say
I tell them if they ask me if I truly am bored. But I try to listen.


I eat chocolate to calm myself down and regain my wits about me

realsocialskills said:

People really, really need to understand the toll passing takes on people.

Whether and when to try to pass is a very personal choice - and for many of us, it’s survival. But the cost is high. And that needs to be a factor in decision making, and in education.

techno4tomcats:

tser:

secretsofthedisabled:

dendriforming:

slightmayhem:

secretsofthedisabled:

realsocialskills:

secretsofthedisabled:

SRS: Yellow

tw: ableism, staring at disabled people

realsocialskills:

I look contagious but I’m not. How do I tell people this? How do I get them to stop staring and stop being afraid they’ll catch my uncatchable condition?
realsocialskills said:
I don’t know, unfortunately. Do any of y’all have strategies for dealing with this?

secretsofthedisabled said:

My answer even now is cover up. That’s all I can do. I wish there was a better solution, sorry. If anyone has one, I’d love it.

(I’m also chiming in that wearing a t-shirt with my condition on it is highly uncomfortable and just not feasible.)

realsocialskills said:

What do you mean by cover up? Do you mean like, wearing a lot of clothing? Or something else?

secretsofthedisabled said

For example, if the mark is on your neck, wear high collars/a scarf. On your leg, wear pants. On your arm, wear sleeves/an armband. It sucks to do this when you’re really hot, but I chose to instead of being stared at. (You may choose not to, and that’s fine, of course.)

Depending on what type of mark it is, and how sensitive you are, you may be able to use make-up.

slightmayhem said:

people can judge you as “looking contagious” from other chronic disabling conditions besides skin conditions.  CF, COPD or asthma for example can cause a chronic cough that might appear like pneumonia or another contagious cough.  Anxiety can manifest in chronic itching or skin picking which could be judged as head lice, etc.

Sometimes, it’s safer to lie about these conditions than to tell the truth and disclose (for example, if you are afraid of being outed at work, or if you are afraid of social backlash from a more chronic condition.) 

Or simply stating “it’s not contagious” will often work. 

dendriforming said:

Yep.

I wish “it’s not contagious” worked more reliably, though. I have CF, and I disclose to more people than I probably should, because a lot of people won’t stop pushing after I try that.

secretsofthedisabled said:

Both of you have excellent points. By the way, has “something’s caught in my throat, no biggie” worked for any chronic coughers?

tser said:

“Something’s caught in my throat,” wouldn’t work for my kind of cough. It’s huge, gagging, doubling me over for minutes on end, and has often ended with me throwing up in public. (Or wetting my pants. Yes I am admitting this in public on tumblr. Sorry for the TMI, but these are the realities people with disabilities face.)

In addition, so many times no one says anything, they just glare, or move away with a look of disgust, so I don’t feel like I can say anything.

This is something I’m dealing with a lot lately. Most people in the studio know it’s chronic and not contagious, but there’s one guy who looks at me, very pointedly, EVERY TIME I start coughing like, “So rude, why did you come to the studio SICK,” and “Ewwww.” And I always get THE LOOK on the bus. 

I get constant commentary like, “Summer cold?” “Do you have the flu?” along with people moving away, avoiding me like I have the plague, etc. I mean, I understand. Because of the chronic illness, I can’t afford to get Regular Sick myself, it could make me really really sick and end up in the hospital, so I am very careful to wash my hands, avoid people who are ill, and so on. I understand that no one ever wants to get sick, regardless of their general health status. I also understand people have specific phobias and OCD and similar disorders themselves that would make my cough terrifying to them.

But being ostracized all the time sucks. 

I had one clerk in Game Stop ask if I was turning into a zombie. I said no, it was a chronic condition, not contagious. He followed up with, “Okay. Well, are you going to bite me?” I said, “No, it doesn’t make me do that.” I know he was covering his fear with humor, but I felt humiliated. 

Not everyone assumes contagion, though sometimes it’s kind of amusing. I was resting this weekend on my walker at the side of the sidewalk, trying not to hack up a lung, and an eclectically dressed very loud woman, who had been swearing at various business people for not providing her with a staple gun, duct tape, or safety pins (seriously, she was ANGRY) as they walked by, suddenly stopped and said to me,

“VITAMIN C!”

I was like, “Wuh—*wheeze*-whha?”

“Vitamin C! Seriously, it’s an AUTOIMMUNE DISORDER. I should know. I had MS, I was in a wheelchair. VITAMIN C!”

I coughed and blinked and she yelled, “FEEL BETTER SISTER!” and darted across the road.

Well, I had consumed a cocktail of Airborne and Emergen-C that morning and guess what, I don’t have MS, so obviously it’s working. /sarcasm *lmao* 

techno4tomcats said:

People far too often mistake my slurred speech and poor motor control as drunkenness and it has gotten me into trouble a few times. (eg: someone calling the police because I was drunk and disorderly when in fact I have having an absence seizure) One time I was pinned out and shouted at which triggered a larger seizure from stress and panic. Was only when I started full out convulsing I was let go without being charged but I was yelled at and generally felt less than human.

I dont have any way of downplaying or fronting this, except having someone close by to assist me/reassure people I’m sick not stoned off my face.

I now have social anxiety at being alone in public spaces and i dont know how to overcome it. :/

"I can't" is an important phrase

matchbook-stories:

realsocialskills:

anonymous asked:

… I think it’s more empowering to say “I decided to stop” than to say “I can’t”. It’s OK to stop when there’s still a tiny chance that you might have been able to succeed.

realsocialskills answered

There are different reasons why people decide to stop doing things.

One reason is that they reach the conclusion that they probably aren’t capable of doing the thing. Probably 

That’s different than reaching the conclusion that they don’t want to do it, or that it’s not worth doing, or that they’d rather do something else.

Actually this reminds me of something I’ve seen - often disabled kids who can’t do something will pretend that they’re refusing to do the thing. And that they’re refusing to do the thing on purpose in order to provoke the teachers. When everyone involved thinks that’s what’s happening, things can get really bad really quickly.

(Particularly if the thing is something like a kid going nonverbal and pretending that they’re refusing to speak and are just making animal noises to be rude).

Inability to do things is real, and it’s important for people to know their limits and take them seriously.

Acknowledging limits makes it much more possible to do things than pretending not to have any.

Ignoring reality isn’t empowering.

And it’s legitimate to say “I can’t” when what you mean is “it’s possible that I might technically be able to do it, but it’s risky and dangerous, and I couldn’t function if I took that kind of risk routinely”.

(This is in fact a meaning of “can’t” used by people without disabilities all the time.)

matchbook-stories said:

the bolded—i have seen this happen SO MANY TIMES. kids with undiagnosed disabilities who become disruptive during reading time and are assumed to be bratty (i have been guilty of this too) and then like a year later somebody FINALLY figures out that the problem was that the kid had a disability that made it really hard for them to read, the whole time. or who would run around and knock things over and make a lot of noise, and then later it turns out they have chronic pain or sensory or nerve issues that make it hard for them to sit still. et cetera. so many times.

realsocialskills said:

This happens a lot with kids who *are* diagnosed, too. Kids learn that being perceived as obnoxious and defiant is better than being perceived as (the only good term I can think of for this is a slur.)

Because, like, for instance, if you’re autistic and can sort of pass and can cover all your impairments by appearing defiant, then you’re ~so high functioning~ and ~just need to learn to apply yourself more~ and ~of course bright kids will have trouble socially~. And it’s awful and you get in trouble a lot, but it does afford some level of protection.

If you are openly impaired in all the same ways, that can lead to ~well maybe he needs a more structured environment~, and ~I’m not trained to accommodate her needs~ and ~there’s an intensive therapy for that~.

Of course, being perceived as defiant is also dangerous, but it’s sometimes much less dangerous than being perceived as disabled.

secretsofthedisabled:

dendriforming:

slightmayhem:

secretsofthedisabled:

realsocialskills:

secretsofthedisabled:

SRS: Yellow

tw: ableism, staring at disabled people

realsocialskills:

I look contagious but I’m not. How do I tell people this? How do I get them to stop staring and stop being afraid they’ll catch my uncatchable condition?
realsocialskills said:
I don’t know, unfortunately. Do any of y’all have strategies for dealing with this?

secretsofthedisabled said:

My answer even now is cover up. That’s all I can do. I wish there was a better solution, sorry. If anyone has one, I’d love it.

(I’m also chiming in that wearing a t-shirt with my condition on it is highly uncomfortable and just not feasible.)

realsocialskills said:

What do you mean by cover up? Do you mean like, wearing a lot of clothing? Or something else?

secretsofthedisabled said

For example, if the mark is on your neck, wear high collars/a scarf. On your leg, wear pants. On your arm, wear sleeves/an armband. It sucks to do this when you’re really hot, but I chose to instead of being stared at. (You may choose not to, and that’s fine, of course.)

Depending on what type of mark it is, and how sensitive you are, you may be able to use make-up.

slightmayhem said:

people can judge you as “looking contagious” from other chronic disabling conditions besides skin conditions.  CF, COPD or asthma for example can cause a chronic cough that might appear like pneumonia or another contagious cough.  Anxiety can manifest in chronic itching or skin picking which could be judged as head lice, etc.

Sometimes, it’s safer to lie about these conditions than to tell the truth and disclose (for example, if you are afraid of being outed at work, or if you are afraid of social backlash from a more chronic condition.) 

Or simply stating “it’s not contagious” will often work. 

dendriforming said:

Yep.

I wish “it’s not contagious” worked more reliably, though. I have CF, and I disclose to more people than I probably should, because a lot of people won’t stop pushing after I try that.

secretsofthedisabled said:

Both of you have excellent points. By the way, has “something’s caught in my throat, no biggie” worked for any chronic coughers?

secretsofthedisabled:

realsocialskills:

secretsofthedisabled:

SRS: Yellow

tw: ableism, staring at disabled people

realsocialskills:

I look contagious but I’m not. How do I tell people this? How do I get them to stop staring and stop being afraid they’ll catch my uncatchable condition?
realsocialskills said:
I don’t know, unfortunately. Do any of y’all have strategies for dealing with this?

secretsofthedisabled said:

My answer even now is cover up. That’s all I can do. I wish there was a better solution, sorry. If anyone has one, I’d love it.

(I’m also chiming in that wearing a t-shirt with my condition on it is highly uncomfortable and just not feasible.)

realsocialskills said:

What do you mean by cover up? Do you mean like, wearing a lot of clothing? Or something else?

secretsofthedisabled said

For example, if the mark is on your neck, wear high collars/a scarf. On your leg, wear pants. On your arm, wear sleeves/an armband. It sucks to do this when you’re really hot, but I chose to instead of being stared at. (You may choose not to, and that’s fine, of course.)

Depending on what type of mark it is, and how sensitive you are, you may be able to use make-up.

secretsofthedisabled:

SRS: Yellow

tw: ableism, staring at disabled people

realsocialskills:

I look contagious but I’m not. How do I tell people this? How do I get them to stop staring and stop being afraid they’ll catch my uncatchable condition?
realsocialskills said:
I don’t know, unfortunately. Do any of y’all have strategies for dealing with this?

secretsofthedisabled said:

My answer even now is cover up. That’s all I can do. I wish there was a better solution, sorry. If anyone has one, I’d love it.

(I’m also chiming in that wearing a t-shirt with my condition on it is highly uncomfortable and just not feasible.)

realsocialskills said:

What do you mean by cover up? Do you mean like, wearing a lot of clothing? Or something else?

When disability contributes to microaggression

I have a speech impediment, and people correct me in a rather snappish way sometimes and also tease me over it. but I’m more concerned about how to tell PoC who experience microaggressions about their names that I simply don’t know how? I sometimes need to someone to slowly pronounce a word several times before I can say it but I don’t know how to tell people this without annoying/offending them or making them think I’m mocking them. I pass as someone without an impediment too, so…

That’s a really good question. Unfortunately, I don’t know any good answers to it. 

I wish I did, because I have similar problems (both with remembering/pronouncing names, and things like eye contact).

Do any of y'all have suggestions?

gramireus asked realsocialskills: Loading…Hi! I hope this hasn’t been asked before, and that I’m asking this right, but I was looking for an alternative word for something. I know the word “fronting” isn’t supposed to be used for this, so what word would you use to describe pretending to be neurotypical or not mentally ill?

Mostly I’ve seen people call that “passing”.

As in “Joe learned how to fake NT body language, so he passes for NT a lot of the time.”

Or, “I can’t usually pass, but I can do it for an hour or two when applying for jobs”.

It’s called “covering” if you admit to being other-than-NT, but still do everything you would do in order to appear NT if you were trying to pass.

NB

Regarding my last post (which was not as thought out as I wanted it to be; I meant to put it in the draft box and accidentally hit publish):

I did not mean to imply that passing to mental health and medical professionals is always a good idea. Sometimes it’s a really bad idea, especially when you do it kind of automatically and it prevents you from getting help that you need. (Been there and done that, and trying to stop doing that.)

And *double* especially when you do it because you’ve been trained to be in denial about your problems and never seek out help.

Passing is not something to do all the time. It’s something to do in situations in which you are confronted with powerful bigots whose could cause you serious problems if they notice you’re a member of a group they’re bigoted against. Or in a situation in which your mental health or disability is actually irrelevant, but will become the focus of their attention if they notice it.

Both types of situation exist, and misreading a situation in either direction is dangerous.