sex ed

Sexuality resources for people with disabilities?

Anonymous said to :

Do you have good sex ed resources written for and about people with disabilities? Bonus if there’s resources for nonverbal people or “low functioning” autistic people (scare quotes intentional, of course). (Also, it’s okay if you can’t fulfill this request entirely. I’m just frustrated that I don’t know where to begin.)

realsocialskills said:

I know a few possibly-useful resources:

The Autistic Self Advocacy Network and Autism NOW published a handbook on relationships and sexuality, written by a variety of autistic authors.

I’ve heard good things about The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain, and Illness. (I don’t know whether that book addresses cognitive disability or not; I think it is likely relevant regardless.)

Temple University has a project aimed at providing adult vocabulary for adult AAC users. That project has a relationships and sexuality section, with a list of words that need to be added to AAC devices.

Mayer Johnson (a company that makes a lot of communication symbols) has a symbol set called “Communicating About Sexuality”. I do not know if it’s any good, and I kind of suspect that it might not be, because they describe it as being primarily oriented towards preventing sexual abuse.

This page also has a few symbols relevant to sexuality, but apparently primarily in the context of enabling people to report abuse. Here’s another one with a similar agenda. (Hat tip: PrAACtial AAC.)

I know that Dave Hingsburger does ed classes primarily designed for people with intellectual disabilities, and that he trains people who teach them. I have not seen them directly; I do have reason to believe that they are good. I don’t know how to find out when they are happening.

Open Future Learning has a video module by Dave Hingsburger about sexuality. It’s a resource designed for staff; the website subscription model assumes that an organization is buying a subscription. If you contact them directly, it is also possible to buy an individual subscription.

Diverse City Press publishes expensive DVDs about masturbation, abuse prevention, boundaries, self-esteem, and power. I have not seen them (because I can’t afford to buy them yet), but I’ve heard good things about them from people whose judgement I trust. They also have a couple of good books about abuse prevention that touch on sex ed a little bit (they say, among other things, that it’s abusive to deny people access to knowledge about their bodies, and also abusive to try to prevent them from having consensual sexual relationships).

tl;dr There aren’t enough good resources on disability and sexuality. Scroll up for some of the ones I know about. Please comment if you know of something good.

About creepy guys

justdrinkyourtea:

realsocialskills:

A lot of men (and probably other genders, but mostly men) like to creepily hit on people (usually women) in contexts in which it’s not ok to hit on people. (Eg: on the subway). 

Girls start experiencing this before they’re considered old enough for sex ed.

Creepy men regularly do this in a way that’s slightly deniable.

Like sitting way too close. Or asking an almost innocuous thing. And it feels really horrible to be on the receiving end, but it can be hard to put your finger on why. And if you object, the man who started it will try as hard as he can to say you’re being unreasonable. Often, bystanders or people you tell afterwards will empathically agree and tell you he was just being friendly and that didn’t have to be rude.

This is not your fault. It’s not your fault that creepy guys are awful to you, and it’s not your fault that people punish you for refusing to cooperate with their creepy actions.

There is usually no polite way to object. Because they manipulate the rules of politeness so that you have to be rude to say no.

It’s ok to be rude in that situation.

Being in that situation doesn’t mean you’re a rude inconsiderate person. It means you’re asserting an important boundary in the only available way.

Most of these guys know exactly what they are doing. It’s not innocent awkwardness. It’s a different thing. It’s doing something they know they can probably get away with denying that they’ve done.

(People do sometimes do this kind of thing by mistake, too. But it’s not ok then either. And most people who do this, know damn well what they’re doing.)

justdrinkyourtea said:

I know I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again. When I was in high school, a chaperone for a field trip asked me what underwear I was wearing. Middle aged men asked me to get dinner when I was canvassing for political candidates. We need to tell young women that this shit isn’t okay.

realsocialskills said:

Reblogging for the concrete example. This is one of the kinds of things I am talking about. It’s really important for girls (and boys, but especially girls since they are the main targets) to learn how to see this creepy aggression for what it is. 

Girls: you’re not imagining it, and you are not alone. It’s not ok, and it’s not your fault.