tumblr

If someone has a Nothing To See Here page up on tumblr, what interaction is it appropriate to engage them? I assume it’s not okay to just follow them, but is it alright to send them a message asking to follow them? Or send a message like you would to someone without that page up?
realsocialskills said:
 
For people who don’t know:
 
Nothing To See Here is a Tumblr theme that makes it so that when someone clicks on your blog or one of your posts, all they see is an ask box and “move along, nothing to see here”, sometimes with a gif.
  
This makes it harder for people who aren’t following you to read your posts.
  
I agree that it’s definitely not ok to just follow them. I think it’s ok to send an ask asking to follow them. But not repeatedly.  
 
And I think the ask needs to say more than “can I follow you”
Eg: “Hi. People I follow seem to reblog a lot of your posts about the ethical implications of cats chasing laser pointers. That’s a subject I’m really interested in. Would it be ok if I follow?”
   
I don’t think it’s ok to just send them messages as though they don’t have that theme up. Because, if it’s there, there’s probably a reason, and you might scare them if you don’t acknowledge the boundary implied by using that theme.
 
What do y'all think?

scherbensalat:

iguanafish:

realsocialskills:

If people post selfies, is it considered a compliment to comment that they are cute/pretty/”nice hair” ect.? Or is it considered invasive?
realsocialskills said:
I’m not 100% sure about this. I also find the boundaries confusing, and it’s a reason I rarely comment on selfies. I think it might be one of those things where there are a lot of preferences and everyone thinks that their preference is a widely understood rule.
That said, there are a few clear rules:
Don’t reblog selfies from a personal blog to a public blog without explicit permission. For instance:
  • If a fat person posts a selfie to their personal tumblr, it’s not ok to reblog it to a body positive tumblr without permission
  • Wanting to show their picture to their followers does *not* mean that they want their picture being used to illustrate a point to hundreds or thousands of other people who don’t follow them

Do not reblog from someone’s personal tumblr to a tumblr that has a lot of sexually explicit material on it, even if it is your personal tumblr

  • If you do that, it sends the message to the person you reblogged from that you’re thinking of their selfie as porn
  • That’s a creepy and invasive sex act
  • Do not do that
  • If you’re not sure whether your account counts as sexually explicit for this purpose, err very strongly on the side of assuming it does

If your primary account is a sexually explicit tumblr, or would appear to be one to someone glancing at your name and avatar, do not like or comment on selfies. (For the same reasons it’s not ok to reblog selfies to a sexually explicit tumblr).

If your personal tumblr is not sexually explicit, the rules are more complicated and I’m not sure how well I understand them.

Some things I think are true:

In a mutual follow (you follow them and they follow you, and your tumblr):

  • It’s probably ok to like selfies
  • It’s probably ok to comment on selfies
  • It’s probably *not* ok to make sexualized comments on someone’s selfies unless they have indicated that this would be ok (Eg: it’s ok to tell someone their hair is nice, it’s not ok to tell them sexual things you would like to do involving their hair)
  • It’s almost never ok to say critical things about selfies
  • (Unless someone is, say, soliciting feedback about their makeup. Then it’s ok to comment, but don’t be mean or joke mean)
  • It may or may not be ok to reblog. Different people have different preferences. When in doubt, ask.
  • If they ask you to stop, apologize and stop (even if they’re not nice about it)

If they’re not following you:

  • It’s probably ok to like
  • It’s probably not ok to reblog 
  • It may or may not be to comment
  • If they ask you to stop, apologize and stop (even if they’re not nice about it)

A lot of people don’t like it if you comment on/like/reblog old selfies:

  • If someone’s selfies aren’t within a few pages of their first page, you probably should leave them alone
  • Unless they’re linked from their first page (eg: in a link inviting you to look at their #me tag)
  • The reason people don’t like this is that it gives the impression that you’ve gone through their whole archive looking for selfies, and that can feel invasive

Misc other concerns:

  • If someone’s posting injury pictures, they may not want you complimenting their appearance
  • Particularly if they are abuse injury pictures
  • But they’re probably not looking for you to tell them they look horrible either
  • Follow their lead on this
  • If someone is being self-denigrating, don’t be condescending in your reply. (Eg; if someone posts that they feel ugly, don’t say something like: “You’re beautiful! You should love yourself more!”) It can be ok to reply with a compliment, but not a condescending compliment
  • Look at the tags. They often tell you what kind of response someone does and does not welcome.

I’m not 100% sure of any of this, but this is as far as I’ve figured it out. What do y’all think?

iguanafish said:

i think it’s definitely a case by case (or rather person by person) scenario, and this post does a really good job of listing many of the potential scenarios.

For example, for myself:

I find a busy dash very overwhelming, so not following someone is not necessarily an indicator that I don’t feel friendly toward or want to know them. Therefore it’s usually okay for longtime followers—especially if we’ve spoken before and i’m familiar with them—to comment on my selfies. 

Likes are ok from pretty much any follower. Non-followers would be a little weird. Going through backlogs would be very weird.

Reblogs are ok from close friends and most mutual follows.

Etc. etc. etc. 

Basically when in doubt ask.

scherbensalat said:

the responses I dislike are:

  • reblogs from people I have never spoken to/don’t follow back
  • especially reblogs from men who reblog other people’s selfies a lot (like that seems to be some kind of ‘my kink is other people’s selfies’ thing to me), especially if it’s men reblogging selfies from seemingly rly young appearing girls (lolita complex?)
  • likes & reblogs from people who have sexual urls/post pornographic content
  • comments that make the person who commented look bad (“I wish I was as good looking as you”, “why can’t I be xxx like you”, “If I had your haircolour I’d be so much more confident”)

iguanafish:

realsocialskills:

If people post selfies, is it considered a compliment to comment that they are cute/pretty/”nice hair” ect.? Or is it considered invasive?
realsocialskills said:
I’m not 100% sure about this. I also find the boundaries confusing, and it’s a reason I rarely comment on selfies. I think it might be one of those things where there are a lot of preferences and everyone thinks that their preference is a widely understood rule.
That said, there are a few clear rules:
Don’t reblog selfies from a personal blog to a public blog without explicit permission. For instance:
  • If a fat person posts a selfie to their personal tumblr, it’s not ok to reblog it to a body positive tumblr without permission
  • Wanting to show their picture to their followers does *not* mean that they want their picture being used to illustrate a point to hundreds or thousands of other people who don’t follow them

Do not reblog from someone’s personal tumblr to a tumblr that has a lot of sexually explicit material on it, even if it is your personal tumblr

  • If you do that, it sends the message to the person you reblogged from that you’re thinking of their selfie as porn
  • That’s a creepy and invasive sex act
  • Do not do that
  • If you’re not sure whether your account counts as sexually explicit for this purpose, err very strongly on the side of assuming it does

If your primary account is a sexually explicit tumblr, or would appear to be one to someone glancing at your name and avatar, do not like or comment on selfies. (For the same reasons it’s not ok to reblog selfies to a sexually explicit tumblr).

If your personal tumblr is not sexually explicit, the rules are more complicated and I’m not sure how well I understand them.

Some things I think are true:

In a mutual follow (you follow them and they follow you, and your tumblr):

  • It’s probably ok to like selfies
  • It’s probably ok to comment on selfies
  • It’s probably *not* ok to make sexualized comments on someone’s selfies unless they have indicated that this would be ok (Eg: it’s ok to tell someone their hair is nice, it’s not ok to tell them sexual things you would like to do involving their hair)
  • It’s almost never ok to say critical things about selfies
  • (Unless someone is, say, soliciting feedback about their makeup. Then it’s ok to comment, but don’t be mean or joke mean)
  • It may or may not be ok to reblog. Different people have different preferences. When in doubt, ask.
  • If they ask you to stop, apologize and stop (even if they’re not nice about it)

If they’re not following you:

  • It’s probably ok to like
  • It’s probably not ok to reblog 
  • It may or may not be to comment
  • If they ask you to stop, apologize and stop (even if they’re not nice about it)

A lot of people don’t like it if you comment on/like/reblog old selfies:

  • If someone’s selfies aren’t within a few pages of their first page, you probably should leave them alone
  • Unless they’re linked from their first page (eg: in a link inviting you to look at their #me tag)
  • The reason people don’t like this is that it gives the impression that you’ve gone through their whole archive looking for selfies, and that can feel invasive

Misc other concerns:

  • If someone’s posting injury pictures, they may not want you complimenting their appearance
  • Particularly if they are abuse injury pictures
  • But they’re probably not looking for you to tell them they look horrible either
  • Follow their lead on this
  • If someone is being self-denigrating, don’t be condescending in your reply. (Eg; if someone posts that they feel ugly, don’t say something like: “You’re beautiful! You should love yourself more!”) It can be ok to reply with a compliment, but not a condescending compliment
  • Look at the tags. They often tell you what kind of response someone does and does not welcome.

I’m not 100% sure of any of this, but this is as far as I’ve figured it out. What do y’all think?

iguanafish said:

i think it’s definitely a case by case (or rather person by person) scenario, and this post does a really good job of listing many of the potential scenarios.

For example, for myself:

I find a busy dash very overwhelming, so not following someone is not necessarily an indicator that I don’t feel friendly toward or want to know them. Therefore it’s usually okay for longtime followers—especially if we’ve spoken before and i’m familiar with them—to comment on my selfies. 

Likes are ok from pretty much any follower. Non-followers would be a little weird. Going through backlogs would be very weird.

Reblogs are ok from close friends and most mutual follows.

Etc. etc. etc. 

Basically when in doubt ask.

If people post selfies, is it considered a compliment to comment that they are cute/pretty/“nice hair” ect.? Or is it considered invasive?
realsocialskills said:
I’m not 100% sure about this. I also find the boundaries confusing, and it’s a reason I rarely comment on selfies. I think it might be one of those things where there are a lot of preferences and everyone thinks that their preference is a widely understood rule.
That said, there are a few clear rules:
Don’t reblog selfies from a personal blog to a public blog without explicit permission. For instance:
  • If a fat person posts a selfie to their personal tumblr, it’s not ok to reblog it to a body positive tumblr without permission
  • Wanting to show their picture to their followers does *not* mean that they want their picture being used to illustrate a point to hundreds or thousands of other people who don’t follow them

Do not reblog from someone’s personal tumblr to a tumblr that has a lot of sexually explicit material on it, even if it is your personal tumblr

  • If you do that, it sends the message to the person you reblogged from that you’re thinking of their selfie as porn
  • That’s a creepy and invasive sex act
  • Do not do that
  • If you’re not sure whether your account counts as sexually explicit for this purpose, err very strongly on the side of assuming it does

If your primary account is a sexually explicit tumblr, or would appear to be one to someone glancing at your name and avatar, do not like or comment on selfies. (For the same reasons it’s not ok to reblog selfies to a sexually explicit tumblr).

If your personal tumblr is not sexually explicit, the rules are more complicated and I’m not sure how well I understand them.

Some things I think are true:

In a mutual follow (you follow them and they follow you, and your tumblr):

  • It’s probably ok to like selfies
  • It’s probably ok to comment on selfies
  • It’s probably *not* ok to make sexualized comments on someone’s selfies unless they have indicated that this would be ok (Eg: it’s ok to tell someone their hair is nice, it’s not ok to tell them sexual things you would like to do involving their hair)
  • It’s almost never ok to say critical things about selfies
  • (Unless someone is, say, soliciting feedback about their makeup. Then it’s ok to comment, but don’t be mean or joke mean)
  • It may or may not be ok to reblog. Different people have different preferences. When in doubt, ask.
  • If they ask you to stop, apologize and stop (even if they’re not nice about it)

If they’re not following you:

  • It’s probably ok to like
  • It’s probably not ok to reblog 
  • It may or may not be to comment
  • If they ask you to stop, apologize and stop (even if they’re not nice about it)

A lot of people don’t like it if you comment on/like/reblog old selfies:

  • If someone’s selfies aren’t within a few pages of their first page, you probably should leave them alone
  • Unless they’re linked from their first page (eg: in a link inviting you to look at their #me tag)
  • The reason people don’t like this is that it gives the impression that you’ve gone through their whole archive looking for selfies, and that can feel invasive

Misc other concerns:

  • If someone’s posting injury pictures, they may not want you complimenting their appearance
  • Particularly if they are abuse injury pictures
  • But they’re probably not looking for you to tell them they look horrible either
  • Follow their lead on this
  • If someone is being self-denigrating, don’t be condescending in your reply. (Eg; if someone posts that they feel ugly, don’t say something like: “You’re beautiful! You should love yourself more!”) It can be ok to reply with a compliment, but not a condescending compliment
  • Look at the tags. They often tell you what kind of response someone does and does not welcome.

I’m not 100% sure of any of this, but this is as far as I’ve figured it out. What do y'all think?

An addition to your very comprehensive and useful tags post- In order for a post to show up in tags on tumblr search (the little search bar in the top right corner of the dashboard), the tag has to be one of the first five used. So a post with the tags #happy #green #wow #yellow #trees #photography would NOT show up in the #photography tag in tumblr search (although it would show up if you searched for that tag on your blog).
realsocialskills said:
I know that used to be true. Do you know if it still is? I know some things about how tags work changed recently.

Re: tws on text posts, some people dont like reading certain words (eg slurs) or certain topics (eg discussions about traumatic events) so tagging things accordingly will block it. TS has an option for you to never even see that a post was blocked.
realsocialskills said:
I understand why tagging context is helpful for Tumblr Savior users even on text posts. Why I don’t understand is why tagging it “#thing some people want to block TW” is helpful.
What does that do that isn’t accomplished by “#thing some people want to block”?

Some uses of tumblr tags

alwaysatrombonist:

realsocialskills:

Tumblr tags do several things:

Put something in the tags that people track, to make posts easier to find:

  • Posts only show up in the tags if they’re original posts, not reblogs
  • Eg:
  • #actuallyautistic is a tag for autistic people that makes it easier to find stuff written by other autistic people
  • #SpongeBob contains posts about SpongeBob
  • Generally speaking, fandom tags are used by fans of something to talk about that thing. It’s considered rude to tag something with a fandom tag just to talk about how much you hate that particular thing.

Categorize blog posts on one’s own blog to make them easier to find

  • This is a reason that tagging reblogs makes sense even though they won’t show up in the tags.
  • It makes it easier to find your own post on a topic, or for others to find your posts

Tell people what kinds of responses are welcome

  • eg: #no reblogs
  • #women may reblog this
  • #please don’t read this if you know me in person
  • #reblogs and likes will be taken as support

Alert someone that a post is being directed to them

  • Most tumblr users who make text posts track their own tag
  • So if you tag an original post with their url, they will see it
  • (This is perhaps somewhat obsolete now that mentions show up in notifications, but a lot of people still do it)

Communicate parenthetically:

  • If you want to say something, but don’t necessarily want it to show up attributed to you in reblogs, this can be a good way
  • or if it’s just cluttery and not your main point
  • For instance:
  • If you want to reblog a popular cat picture:
  • #best thing EVER, #so many cats, #pretty cat is pretty, #I wish I still had a cat, #maybe someday

Allow people to use xkit or Tumblr Savior to avoid seeing certain types of posts:

  • This is particularly useful for image posts
  • Not everyone wants to see pictures of snakes striking
  • Not everyone wants to see pictures of graphic violence
  • Tagging your pictures with accurate labels makes it easier for people to avoid pictures they don’t want to see
  • People also use this for trigger warnings on text posts in a way that I do not fully understand

alwaysatrombonist said:

I’ll try to give an explanation and some examples of the way that people use trigger warnings for text posts, as I understand them. This is how I understand it, and other people have different ways of understanding it.

Note that the example that i will use a lot is “gun violence”. While I won’t be talking about any specific incidents, I’ll use different synonyms of the word as examples of tagging. Other examples that pop up are “Islamophobia” and “menstruation”, just so nobody is caught off guard by those examples.

This is under a Read More because of length.

Read More

realsocialskills said:

I understand why tagging stuff matters because Tumblr Savior and such can block based on tags.

What I don’t understand is what adding “tw” or “CW” to the tag does.

Like, why is “abuse TW” more useful than just tagging something “abuse”?

The last word isn't valuable

So, I’ve seen this play out in a lot of blogs:

  • Someone says something controversial
  • Someone gets angry, and trashes their post
  • This goes back and forth for a long time
  • Neither side actually wants to talk to the other
  • (And they may both repeatedly tell one another to stop replying)
  • But both sides keep replying, because they want to get the last word
  • And they feel like if they let something go without a response, they’ve lost somehow

Thing is, the last word isn’t actually valuable. It doesn’t matter who replies last. It matters what’s true. If you’re right, you’re right whether or not you respond to what people say to you. If you’re wrong, replying one more time won’t make you any less wrong.

Chasing the last word just fills up your blog with views you don’t want on it, and fills up your attention with people you don’t actually want to talk to.

You can have much better conversations on your blog if you focus on talking to people you want to talk to. When you talk to people you respect who respect you, and when you listen to one another seriously, you can have amazing conversations.

This doesn’t mean form an echo chamber. This doesn’t mean only reblog people who think exactly like you. You can have very worthwhile interactions with people who disagree with you, even on really important things. That’s only possible if you’re both listening to one another and considering the points seriously, though. 

Instead of chasing the last word, chase content.

cool-yubari:

realsocialskills:

On Tumblr, a lot of people seem to communicate happiness by exaggerated displeasure. Like, if a fic has made them sad or someone’s art is just *that good*, they’ll comment “SCREW YOU I DIDN’T NEED MY HEART ANYWAY” or something like that. But I’m always afraid to send things like that because I’m afraid it’ll be mistaken for genuine hate. What is a good way to make it clear that I actually really like what they do while keeping that sort of mock rage? Or should I just not bother?
realsocialskills said:
I don’t know, and actually I often have a lot of trouble telling whether someone is intending to complain about something or praise it when they’re talking that way.
Do any of y’all know how to tell the difference, and how to be clear about which one you mean?

cool-yubari said:

A large part of expressing distress in a way that it’s taken as a compliment is having a reaction that’s consistent with what the author was trying to do with their fic (or art, or whatever). For example, if they wrote about a beloved character’s agonizing death, and you’re crying, they succeeded in conveying how sad and moving this is. So “AAAH MY HEART, I HATE YOU, POOR EPONINE!” doesn’t meant “you horrible author, you” in a serious way. It means “I’m floored by how intensely you made me feel this.” That goes double if the author got their reader to empathize with characters that aren’t generally well liked, or see things from a different perspective. Extreme emotion or mock rage can emphasize how great an accomplishment it was to bring this particular reader around. “Wtf, I don’t even LIKE Filch but now I can’t even, what have you done to me?? *sobbing into pillow forever*” is a positive review, because it means the author made someone look at canon from a radically different angle and sympathize with a character they usually consider unpleasant.

Also, a significant part of what comments like this are geared to emphasize is the huge gulf between what the reader normally goes around feeling, and what they’re feeling as a result of reading this story. Some fanfics are written with the tone of a pleasant summer breeze, but some fanfics are intentionally emotional rollercoasters. Screaming and crying is a normal reaction to those. It’s not a sign that anyone seriously wants it to stop.

As a final note, if the author has reblogged other people who flail and yell about their stories with happy comments, you can generally assume they’re comfortable with this way of interacting. If all the other comments on a story that they’ve responded to are straightforwardly complimentary and you don’t know the author, it’s probably better to avoid leaving a mock-hate review. They might have issues that make that sort of talk stressful for them.

follow up question about tumblr hyperbole

Is it ok to use tumblr fake upset hyperbole in asks, or is that only for posts and reblogs?

I’ve only ever seen it used as a third-person kind of thing.

Like where SCREW YOU I DIDN’T NEED MY HEART ANYWAY is something you say about something to another fan of the thing, not to the creator of the thing.

Is that something people also say to creators directly?

bessibels:

annabellecoeur:

realsocialskills:

On Tumblr, a lot of people seem to communicate happiness by exaggerated displeasure. Like, if a fic has made them sad or someone’s art is just *that good*, they’ll comment “SCREW YOU I DIDN’T NEED…

bessibels said:

I think there are certain phrases that are commonly used to do this and using them is probably okay.

For example (and all caps is relevant here, though sometimes it changes to capitals halfway through):
UNACCEPTABLE
ENTIRELY UNNECESSARY
HOW DARE YOU
FIRST OF ALL HOW DARE YOU
YOU NEED TO STOP

there are probably others but those are the ones I can think of that are pretty consistently used humorously when the person actually likes the thing

realsocialskills said:

I think this applies specifically to fandoms. Some of these mean different things in, say, conversations about social justice.

Which can get confusing when something is a conversation about ableism in a particular show or something.

annabellecoeur:

realsocialskills:

On Tumblr, a lot of people seem to communicate happiness by exaggerated displeasure. Like, if a fic has made them sad or someone’s art is just *that good*, they’ll comment “SCREW YOU I DIDN’T NEED MY HEART ANYWAY” or something like that. But I’m always afraid to send things like that because I’m afraid it’ll be mistaken for genuine hate. What is a good way to make it clear that I actually really like what they do while keeping that sort of mock rage? Or should I just not bother?
realsocialskills said:
I don’t know, and actually I often have a lot of trouble telling whether someone is intending to complain about something or praise it when they’re talking that way.
Do any of y’all know how to tell the difference, and how to be clear about which one you mean?

annabellecoeur said:

Usually I’m close enough to the person that they know what I mean, but even then, I often tend to add a note in parentheses explaining just to make sure.

Either that or I rapidly flip back and forth between HATE and LOVE, both being aggressive in tone, provided the person doesn’t mind me being like that.

In the scenario anon talks about, I’d probably write something like “WOW REALLY WAS THAT NECESSARY HOW DARE YOU (that was so perfect omg I love it a lot I really do)”, that kind of thing. I hope that all made sense.

thegreatgodum:

realsocialskills:

On Tumblr, a lot of people seem to communicate happiness by exaggerated displeasure. Like, if a fic has made them sad or someone’s art is just *that good*, they’ll comment “SCREW YOU I DIDN’T NEED MY HEART ANYWAY” or something like that. But I’m always afraid to send things like that because I’m afraid it’ll be mistaken for genuine hate. What is a good way to make it clear that I actually really like what they do while keeping that sort of mock rage? Or should I just not bother?
realsocialskills said:
I don’t know, and actually I often have a lot of trouble telling whether someone is intending to complain about something or praise it when they’re talking that way.
Do any of y’all know how to tell the difference, and how to be clear about which one you mean?

thegreatgodum said:

You can never be 100% sure that your hyperbole will be understood. It’s half comical exaggeration and half context, so - if the person sounds much angrier/sadder than is usual (“and your little dog too”) or uses humorously extreme metaphoric language (“LITERALLY SHOOTING MYSELF INTO THE SUN RIGHT NOW”) AND the situation does not appear to call for anger/sadness (somebody has Done A Cute Fanart), it’s probably mock rage. Both of those things are extremely subjective - there might be someone out there for whom that situation does create anger, even if it’s just for personal association reasons. When you use hyperbole like this, you’re basically just making an educated guess that you’ve gone far enough and the situation is unambiguous enough that the odds are in your favour - it helps if you know your audience, as well, but I’d think the odds of anyone at all taking e.g. a threat to shoot anything into the sun seriously were fairly negligible.

But, basically, if a very small chance that you will be misunderstood is unacceptable, just don’t do the thing. Plenty of people communicate in more straightforward ways, even on tumblr, and you don’t need to participate in a trend if it’s going to stress you out. Honestly, I believe that worrying about being misunderstood is going to do more harm than the potential misunderstanding, but that in and of itself is a reasonable cause to avoid it in my opinion.

kingwiththekey:

realsocialskills:

On Tumblr, a lot of people seem to communicate happiness by exaggerated displeasure. Like, if a fic has made them sad or someone’s art is just *that good*, they’ll comment “SCREW YOU I DIDN’T NEED MY HEART ANYWAY” or something like that. But I’m always afraid to send things like that because I’m afraid it’ll be mistaken for genuine hate. What is a good way to make it clear that I actually really like what they do while keeping that sort of mock rage? Or should I just not bother?
realsocialskills said:
I don’t know, and actually I often have a lot of trouble telling whether someone is intending to complain about something or praise it when they’re talking that way.
Do any of y’all know how to tell the difference, and how to be clear about which one you mean?

kingwiththekey said:

In my experience, certain things will almost always clue in to it being a positive response. The example “SCREW YOU I DIDN’T NEED MY HEART ANYWAY” is a good one because “I didn’t need my heart anyway” always means that something has been good. This is usually part of communicating that the thing has made them feel an intense emotion, that could be perceived as negative, but in a positive way. These all refer to situations where the subject matter has been potentially angsty.

  • “I didn’t need my heart anyway”
  • “This hurts me”
  • “No, go sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done”
  • “Literally crying”
  • “You’ve killed me, I am now dead”
  • “I was not prepared.”
  • “Slow down”
  • “You need to not”
  • “Just stop.”
  • “This hurts my soul”
  • “I’m done, I’m so done”
  • “I can’t even”
  • “I’ve lost the ability to even with this”
  • “You took my ability to can.”

Those all indicate, in every instance I’ve seen them used, that the person saying it is meaning to praise the thing. Generally speaking any reference to the following will do the same:

  • my feels
  • flailing.
  • fangirling
  • wailing
  • tears
  • my heart
  • use of the word “ow”
  • dead

These are usually combined with several other phrases, usually very explicitly aggressive ones, like “screw you,” “fuck you,” “what’s wrong with you?” and those sorts of things. There are a few phrases that can be in a grey area, but when combined with the rest are usually clear, things like “What gave you the right?” are common. 

Grammatically odd structures like “I am cry” and incomplete sentences like “so much pain” are used in this way to further indicate the lack of serious, literal meaning to these responses in favor of specific subculture meaning.

These types of messages also usually contain needless capitalization and fairly meaningless superlatives, like “omg” “whoa” and other expressions of disbelief/strong emotion: “fucking hell,” “holy fuck,” etc.

Indicating some action you’re theoretically doing by putting the words between dashes or astrices is something that is usually done at the same time and good for making it clear as well. Such as:

  • *crying*
  • *dies*
  • -flailing-
  • -fangirling-
  • *rolls into the floor*

These things are all exaggerated expressions of emotion that are expected and legitimized in terms of tumblr culture.

A slight variation on this is using sarcasm in tone, while still using dramatic language, like “No, that’s okay, you can totally stab me in the heart with these feels. That’s fine” or “Nope, not crying at all. That’s fine, I didn’t need a heart” or “Welp, I’m dead. *Flies off into the sun*.” or “Well fuck you too then” but that last one is risky, and really, really needs the word “too” and is best expressed in the tags after reblogging or in a reply to the post, not in a message about the post.

So, some practical examples of how to put this together would be:

Situation A: A person has written something very angsty about your OTP

Sample message 1: OMG! OWOWOWOWOW! MY HEART! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???

Sample message 2: That’s alright, not like I needed my heart for anything anyway. You can totally just stab me right in the feels. Not like I wanted to do anything but cry and flail today.

Sample message 3: FUCK YOU TOO! I AM DEAD AND I WILL NEVER RECOVER! WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO MAKE SOMETHING LIKE THIS?!

Sample message 4: -flailing- MY HEART -rolls out the window-

Situation B: A person has posted a screenshot of something very emotional on a show you watch and added song lyrics to make it more emotional.

Sample message 1: OMG HOW DARE YOU? *crying* MY HEART!

Sample message 2: WHOA FRIEND SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!!!! 

Sample message 3: owwwwwwwwwww -sniffles- god it hurts.

The other main time that this custom is used is to express that someone has simply done something well/is something very good and you are jokingly jealous and/or angry about their talent. In this case, we see more expressions of anger and disbelief. 

  • “Oh my fucking god, you did that with an ink pen??? Holy fuck!”
  • “Fuck you and your artistic talent.”
  • “I hate you! How the hell did you write something that perfect?!”

The trick to using this successfully is to be very specific (like adding the “and your artistic talent”) and over use praise words about the actual work (perfect, amazing, wow, etc)

  • “Fuck you and your perfect shading!”
  • “Oh my god I am so jealous just stop okay you’re amazing just no.”
  • “I fucking hate you your gorgeous fucking human being with your perfect smile.”

Those are a few examples of how to use that in different situations, the first being about shading of a drawing, the second being a generic work of some kind, and the third being about a person’s looks. The third is less common, but it does happen. 

It took me a while to pick this up, but I seem to have been using it successfully for some time now and I haven’t run into any problems using the things I included. I hope this helps. And I’m sorry this ran on for so long, goodness gracious I had a lot to say. 

realsocialskills said:

Thank you for explaining. Most of this makes a lot of sense to me, although I think there is a lot I still do not understand about this idiom.

I’ve also seen some of those phrases used actually-negatively, particularly:

  • “I’m done, I’m so done”
  • “I can’t even”
  • “I’ve lost the ability to even with this”

chordatesrock:

realsocialskills:

On Tumblr, a lot of people seem to communicate happiness by exaggerated displeasure. Like, if a fic has made them sad or someone’s art is just *that good*, they’ll comment “SCREW YOU I DIDN’T NEED MY HEART ANYWAY” or something like that. But…

chordatesrock said:

To err on the side of clarity, I would suggest saying things that are more obviously not something you would say when actually upset. Something actually offensive will not “hit [someone] right in the feels”, for instance.

Context can help; if, for instance, your blog is ilovechordates and you reblog every biology-related comic you come across and routinely squee about the entire phylum of creatures that have a notochord at some point in their lives and how awesome they all are, and someone posts a video of an amazing interpretive dance that somehow clearly explains all the relevant taxonomy while making you question the idea of taxonomy itself, “SCREW YOU AND YOUR PERFECT VIDEO, HOW DARE YOU” would come off better than if you run the aforementioned blog and respond with sarcastic anger to a post about art history.

Also note that that example calls the video perfect. Slip some compliments into your sarcastic anger!

Consider tagging with something unambiguously positive like “amazing art” or “art recs” to clear up any confusion. Also bear in mind that something like “nope nope nope” or “SCREW YOU I DIDN’T NEED MY HEART ANYWAY” is vastly more appropriate in response to a sad piece or a piece with lots of sad dramatic irony (e.g., something about Rachel and Tobias dreaming of a future together after the war, since Rachel dies, or a gifset from the silly earlier seasons of a show that slowly turned sad and angsty) than in response to a happy piece.

On Tumblr, a lot of people seem to communicate happiness by exaggerated displeasure. Like, if a fic has made them sad or someone’s art is just *that good*, they’ll comment “SCREW YOU I DIDN’T NEED MY HEART ANYWAY” or something like that. But I’m always afraid to send things like that because I’m afraid it’ll be mistaken for genuine hate. What is a good way to make it clear that I actually really like what they do while keeping that sort of mock rage? Or should I just not bother?
realsocialskills said:
I don’t know, and actually I often have a lot of trouble telling whether someone is intending to complain about something or praise it when they’re talking that way.
Do any of y'all know how to tell the difference, and how to be clear about which one you mean?

the-ashen-phoenix said: Should you then tell that person the truth?

realsocialskills said:

No, you shouldn’t, because telling them the truth would be contacting them, and they’ve asked you not to contact them.

Same goes with apologizing for the unwanted contact, or any other reason you can think of that it’s ok this time. It isn’t. No means no. Leave them alone.

The right thing to do in this situation is to unfollow them, block them, delete the persona you made to trick them into interacting with you, and blacklist them on xkit/tumblr savior if you use those.

Don't trick people into talking to you

If you say hurtful things to someone on the Internet and hurt them enough that they block you, try and fail to gain their forgiveness because they barely know you and have problems with toxic people, and then adopt a new username, start following them again and interact with them again without hurting them, are you being dishonest and a bad person?
realsocialskills said:
I think it’s better not to frame this as a way of deciding what kind of person you are. The point isn’t to figure out whether this makes you a bad/dishonest person. The point is to figure out whether it’s a bad thing to do.
In this case, I do think it’s bad to make a new persona to interact with someone who has blocked you. It’s not ok to trick someone into interacting with you against their will.
It’s also not ok to decide that someone you hurt isn’t forgiving you because “they barely know you and have problems with toxic people” and that this means that it’s somehow ok for you to ignore their decision not to forgive you. That’s not your decision to make.
Neither being sorry, nor meaning well, nor apologizing, nor being a good person mean that you are entitled to have someone forgive you and agree to continue a relationship. 
People have the right say no to forms of interaction that you want with them, even if their reasons are bad or based on misconceptions about you.
You also don’t know if you’re hurting them in your new persona. The fact that they haven’t blocked you in the new persona doesn’t mean that everything is ok. It just means that they haven’t blocked you. The one thing you do know is that they’re not interacting with you willingly and that you’re tricking them into doing something they don’t want to do.
The internet is full of people willing to interact with you. Leave the people who aren’t willing alone.

Advice on avoiding triggers if you can’t download something like tumblr savior because you don’t want your family to see ?
realsocialskills said:
There’s a site called Washboard that describes itself as:
Washboard is a Tumblr interface that features keyword blacklisting. Like Tumblr Savior, but for mobile devices.
I haven’t used it, so I don’t know how well it works.
Have any of y'all used Washboard successfully?

crysmilecry answered: I think generally people don’t answer because they forgot or tumblr ate it or they’re anxious and so normally asking again is fair?

realsocialskills said:

I think that is often the case, yes. But I’m not sure how to explain how to tell *when* that is the case. Do you know of any good rules of thumb?