Social skills for autonomous people: Don’t assume marginalized people are safe




Sometimes people who are marginalized assume that other marginalized people are safe by definition. This is really dangerous, and it sets people up for a lot of gaslighting. We need to make sure not to encourage this in activist and otherwise pro-human spaces.

For example, some people do things…

Moreover, don’t assume that someone is safe or that their actions are acceptable just because they are, or appear, or pretend to be, more marginalized or more of a victim than you are.

My primary stalker loves to play on the sympathy she gets as an ultra-marginalized victim in order to do her best to destroy people’s lives. She only gets away with some of the things she has done because she claims to be ultra-marginalized and ultra-victimized and plays on people’s stereotypes to seem always the innocent victim when she actually is the most full-of-hate person I’ve ever met, who goes around finding the easiest targets she can come up with, to express that hate towards. All the way manipulating people’s images and stereotypes of good vs. bad oppressed people to make herself look good and her victims look bad (even when the things she picks on are rather ordinary, she has the capacity to twist them into looking menacing or wrong). It’s very complex and she relies on these stereotypes to get people to hate the people she wants them to hate.

She’d have a much harder time getting away with things if she weren’t able to claim an ultra-marginalized status and get sympathy and absolution that way.

Yes, this. 

This is also why I think the rule that says “If someone from a marginalized group says you did something oppressive, then you did and you should apologize and fix it” is really dangerous.

Because there’s nothing about that rule that prevents it from being used by abusers to attack others.

(And nothing about this rule prevents it from being used by socially powerful people to silence people with far less power, either. Someone being good at manipulating these images is *not* the same as being the most vulnerable person in the room.)

I do a lot of angry about men, but women are dangerous too, and while one would hope we’d keep each other safe, we don’t as we’re socialized to hurt other people as well. Just differently.

Yes, and sometimes the same ways, too.

There isn’t any way of hurting people that is only done by men.