When sound words take over and hurt

ltle:

realsocialskills:

I hate sound words. They hurt so bad. People do sound words and they keep doing them for hours. They never stop it. I put my hands on my ears. They don’t like that because it’s innappropriate.
The only way I can stop the sound words is hit my head so I hear the hitting. I sometimes like the words that are on books. Other people don’t like those words.
They said if I do therapy I won’t hurt anymore. I did it for eight years. I still hate sound words. Therapist sound words hurt more than other people’s sound words. How do I get them to stop talking? They won’t stop talking. I say stop talking but it’s rude.
realsocialskills said: 
 
I don’t know a great answer to this. I think I have the same problem sometimes. Here are some things I think I know about it:
  
Words bother me sometimes, but not all the time. But sometimes words hurt and I’m in a sea of words and everything is bad of words and talking and people’s words that hurt and take over everything.
 
The problem is real, and it’s not your fault, and no one really knows how to make words stop hurting. You are not alone. There are other people who words hurt. There are other people who like book words. There are other people who like to be around people without talking to them.
  
(And it makes sense that therapist words would hurt more. Therapist words are designed to get past defenses and get in when you’re keeping other words out. Which can be a good thing in some contexts, but not like this.)
  
You probably can’t get most people who like sound words to stop talking so much. They are made of words, a lot. Words are really important to them. That is how they communicate and show respect for each other. Some people can also communicate in other modes, but a lot of people need words. 
  
So probably “get them to stop talking” isn’t the right solution. I think people who live in words are going to want to talk most of the time. The solution might be more… finding space to be away from people who are made of words, and finding friends who aren’t made of words. Finding space they don’t control. Being able to separate yourself from the people who words at you constantly.
 
Not everyone is made of sound-words. Some people like non-words or book words. I don’t know how to meet them on purpose, but I have met others and spent very pleasant time interacting without wordsing much. So I know that it is possible.
  
And some people only words at you because when words-people words at them they get pushed into words-mode. So some of them can be good friends for not-made-of-words interactions if you can find ways to spend time with them without the all the sound words people. And some of them will understand what you mean if you tell them that there are too many words and ask them to interact another way. 
  
I think part of the solution might be finding ways to get away from the people who are wordsing at you all the time. Do you have any private space you can go to? Or any space where you can control who is invited in?
  
Are there any people you can find to hang out with who don’t use words at all? People who don’t make sound words might be better people for you to be friends with.
 
Do you like movies? If you like movies, sometimes watching movies can be a way to spend time for people without talking to them. Most people think that you are not supposed to talk during movies. I wonder if it might help to say “Can we interact like we were watching a movie? Like, with us both paying attention but not talking?” I haven’t tried that, but I think I have friends it would work for as a way of explaining.
  
If you’re at school or something and people keep talking to you, it can sometimes help to say something like “I need quiet to focus” or “I need to work on this”, or “I’m sorry, but I have a deadline coming and I can’t talk right now.” It can also sometimes help to work in a place like the library where talking is discouraged.
 
It can sometimes help to wear headphones, even if you are not listening to music. It can make things quieter and it is also often taken as an acceptable signal for “I don’t want to talk to anyone right now now.” It doesn’t work all the time, but it does work sometimes.
I don’t know if any of that was answering the right question. I feel like I probably missed something important. You sound trapped in a way that’s not your fault, and I wish people would leave you alone. I wish I knew better answers.
 
Do any of y’all have answers to this? What do you do when everything is full of words and it hurts? How do you find people who won’t words at you all the time, or who will stop wordsing when it hurts?

ltle said:

It sucks that it’s considered rude to tell people to stop talking, and also considered rude to put your hands over your ears as a protective defense. Seems like at least one of those things ought to be ok.

It’s difficult to teach people to stop making sound words at you, because most people will only realise that’s what you need when you give them verbal instructions. For me, the times when I suffer the most from sound words is also the time when I can’t express things verbally, or even concentrate on anything at all, because too much of my energy is taken up with the pain of sound.

I’ve been meaning to make little cards or notes that have these messages/instructions on them, to help me tell people these things. I think if I teach myself to use pre-written notes like that… that might be a partial solution. Maybe that sort of thing would help you too?

realsocialskills said:

Has that strategy worked for anyone else?