When you prefer not to decide something





Read the post about consent problems. Curious about not quite opposite problem. Lack of opinion/preference being mistaken as consent problem e.g. “Where do you wanna go for lunch?” “I’m fine with wherever you want .” “Yeah, but, where do /you/ want?”
realsocialskills said:
Sometimes you can solve that problem by telling them explicitly that you want them to decide. Eg:
  • “I’d like you to pick a place.”
  • “I’m kind of tired of all the places I go, do you know of somewhere good?”

If you say it this way, it’s clearer that you’re actually *expressing* a preference (that they decide), and it looks less like you’re avoiding saying what you want in order to be polite.

Another possibility is to ask them for help narrowing it down, eg:

  • “Can you give me some options?”
  • “What are some places you like?”

Then, if you really don’t have a preference, you can pick one of their suggestions at random. And if you do have a preference, hearing a list can make it easier to make a choice.

These approaches don’t always work, but they do in a lot of situations.

michaelblume said:

I think it’d be cool if “decision fatigue” became a codeword the same way spoons already has.

“Where do you think we should eat?”

“…Decision fatigue”

“Pizza it is then!”

oh god, so much. but you tend to get the problem where both people have decision fatigue, and then you’re like… idk, flip a coin?

No one in my family liked to cook or had a very large cooking repertoire. So we collectively had decision fatigue about what to eat for dinner for years. No one knew what they wanted to eat for dinner, but they knew it wasn’t pizza. 

What The Fuck Should I Make For Dinner can help with that problem.

It works this way:

  • It gives you one suggestion
  • If you like it, you click the recipe and make that thing
  • If you don’t, you click “I don’t fucking like that” and it gives you another suggestion

Supercook is also useful. You tell it what ingredients you have, and it gives you a list of things you can make with those ingredients.